~ Hey, I'm learnin' today's scientists have "far deeper" understanding of our actual heart than ever before even suspected by soooo many of us.
In my humble opinion, the "native" and etherical mind-set of: "all being one-with-life" (the entire universe) and it's communication, is as incomprehensible to "us" as the intelligence of all heart organs aminals live by ~ Cause it's in feelings ~ see?
This is a huge area of growing awareness in understanding with our "scientist" today."We've" never been "shown", or lead to believe, the heart has an intelligence of it's own.
~ Although many people have been aware of this "heart intelligence", spoken with a different relating language at the core. And I'll bet that's a bit confusing.
But when we think about "it", the heart IS the first anything to develop. Not our brains. Grasping that in your gut is heavy. Surely most believe the brain controls every aspect of this human body we have. Whatever ~ we all did in my neck o' the woods ~
It's also the last organ to literally pass our life over ~ So what are we waking up too? What's our human evolution realizing?
At least start with, we're realizing the importance of the hearts' intelligence again, and the possiblity science coulda been "wrong" with the brainwashing it's done. And waking up to knowing how to listen to the silence within that speaks in feelings is magical. We have learn to "feel" the intelligence within.
Therefore, what we feel IS our heart's way of communicating ~ just like animals ~ see?
And the Mayan's, for instance, had great knowledge dealing with magnetics, migrations, the cosmo in relation to all life, (for a small for-instance), and the effects of our second-nature ability to attract what we need to survive and evolve. This is all a part of the in-depth knowledge of magnetics.
~ Imagine it with the properties of magnets. It's the exact same energy transfers happening with every single human live today. And in my humble opinion ~ it's all a collective energy of one ~ and extending into the power with the cosmos ~
And that definitely sounds very wacky or "new age" if we had to label an area of knowledge.
Wow, I'm been afronted by educated skeptics that surprised me (believing I knew them as pure in all areas of being), or as "young" in knowledge as I have been. I've got to watch me trying to feed "pearls" to "swine" and back-off.
This is also a good place to back-off awhile. Life continues as I make it, but I know where I want to be in my physical and in my heart.
Fare well and a hui ho ~ Always ~ LL
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
This is who we all are ~
I've got to make this quick, but it something I need to constantly refer to, so I may as well write it.
Everyone you'll ever meet, or let's at least hope they care enough for themselves to realize they want it too, has 3 things they ask of others.
Number One: Do you see me?
Number Two: Do you hear me?
Number Three: Does what I say mean anything to you?
When I read number three I realized how often I'm honestly not hearing every word enough to really be showing I DO care what someone is saying. I realize my own need to listen without my own filters. Because what a person is saying can't mean, to us, what that person really wants us to understand.
Practice makes perfect ~ thank goodness.
A hui ho, and fare well, alwyas LL
Everyone you'll ever meet, or let's at least hope they care enough for themselves to realize they want it too, has 3 things they ask of others.
Number One: Do you see me?
Number Two: Do you hear me?
Number Three: Does what I say mean anything to you?
When I read number three I realized how often I'm honestly not hearing every word enough to really be showing I DO care what someone is saying. I realize my own need to listen without my own filters. Because what a person is saying can't mean, to us, what that person really wants us to understand.
Practice makes perfect ~ thank goodness.
A hui ho, and fare well, alwyas LL
Thursday, November 1, 2012
BIgger picture questions ~
I strongly believe there is a connection man's been waiting to "get". And I came to this realization in my quite time in silence with "me, myself, and I".
In my humble opinion, man's brain has developed as it has for the purpose of figuring out the obvious: we're here, we evolve, we're part of the puzzle to survival as a species. If we're responsible in some way to "use this gift to our best ability", then perhaps it's for the ability to formulate the awareness that "mankind should be pondering, with wonder and awe, how evolution can work so magically for the greatest good for all living species?
It's obvious by knowing how the animal-kingdom works, there's no denying how "one thing is there for anothers' purpose" (to eat, to feed, to assist with survival, to provide whatever shelter and nurturing for offspring). Each day, somewhere, man discovers more of the pieces to the whole puzzle (the bigger picture) in every resource, plant or animal discovered.
The original (in my humble opinion) that were natives inhabitants to our planet were darker skinned (after loosing all the fur ~ even in snow regions. And hey, I can't get side-tracked (by connecting man with the oceans). That's too big for my brain to wrap around. Although in my humble opinion, "these people" intuitively knew how to survive "as one with the earth" and they do to this day in regions yet discovered.
Yea, there are always going to be "ego" issues just as with animals. I believe there's always going to be "one bad apple" somewhere in the species. It's just the way it is.
So why hasn't man put his brains to the discovery of how all people on the planet should be "working as one" with the planet and for the highest good for survival of the species? Do you believe it's ego? Do you understand ego? Do you learn by looking at yourself, as we should have been taught from day one.
I can't help but imagine people being born to parents SO HUMBLE; they unconditionally love their offspring to the point of secondly-naturedly nurturing and caring for them until they're have learned what it takes to survive. In my humble opinion, man has the gift of a brain to explore the power of unconditional love (animals don't have to think about it huh?)
Man's ego (represented by the love of money in my humble opinion) obviously got in the way long before mankind evolved with unconditional love for all ~ as if the species had a purpose for being here (to play a part in the unfathomable brilliance of evolution for the greatest good for the workings or mechanics of life on earth ~
Slowly, yet surely I am evolving. And now me, myself, and I must get a move on.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
In my humble opinion, man's brain has developed as it has for the purpose of figuring out the obvious: we're here, we evolve, we're part of the puzzle to survival as a species. If we're responsible in some way to "use this gift to our best ability", then perhaps it's for the ability to formulate the awareness that "mankind should be pondering, with wonder and awe, how evolution can work so magically for the greatest good for all living species?
It's obvious by knowing how the animal-kingdom works, there's no denying how "one thing is there for anothers' purpose" (to eat, to feed, to assist with survival, to provide whatever shelter and nurturing for offspring). Each day, somewhere, man discovers more of the pieces to the whole puzzle (the bigger picture) in every resource, plant or animal discovered.
The original (in my humble opinion) that were natives inhabitants to our planet were darker skinned (after loosing all the fur ~ even in snow regions. And hey, I can't get side-tracked (by connecting man with the oceans). That's too big for my brain to wrap around. Although in my humble opinion, "these people" intuitively knew how to survive "as one with the earth" and they do to this day in regions yet discovered.
Yea, there are always going to be "ego" issues just as with animals. I believe there's always going to be "one bad apple" somewhere in the species. It's just the way it is.
So why hasn't man put his brains to the discovery of how all people on the planet should be "working as one" with the planet and for the highest good for survival of the species? Do you believe it's ego? Do you understand ego? Do you learn by looking at yourself, as we should have been taught from day one.
I can't help but imagine people being born to parents SO HUMBLE; they unconditionally love their offspring to the point of secondly-naturedly nurturing and caring for them until they're have learned what it takes to survive. In my humble opinion, man has the gift of a brain to explore the power of unconditional love (animals don't have to think about it huh?)
Man's ego (represented by the love of money in my humble opinion) obviously got in the way long before mankind evolved with unconditional love for all ~ as if the species had a purpose for being here (to play a part in the unfathomable brilliance of evolution for the greatest good for the workings or mechanics of life on earth ~
Slowly, yet surely I am evolving. And now me, myself, and I must get a move on.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
I had a bad day yesterday????
Thanks JJ, my morning paper put my feelings towards yesterday into perspective. A perspective I'd so egotistically felt was an important one for the folks amidst the rubble. I'm sure that did happen, but I'm telling myself now, that "me" had to tell it to "myself", and I know the message came through loud and clear when I read my morning paper published by a woman who came back into my life after forty or so years. She is my cousin, she is my heart, she publishes her wisdom in http://checkingmymotives.blogspot.com
Yesterday was a hard one for me because I had to face myself, and I wasn't happy with what I saw. I'm actually too ashamed to write my inner drama; it was absolutely nothing in comparrison to just about anything. My "plans" for how I saw my day going began a bit rough, but I continued. I even got myself to my destination, and began to see how really useless I was, and I was overheated and there was nothing I could do about it. I'm sure part of the heat I felt was frustration at myself.
I suddenly felt very self-conscious, felt I'd been stupid to think otherwise since the circumstances were a "given", but it weren't going to play out as I'd imagined. This all sounds so cryptic, and that's okay, I just need to finish playing this out in my mind, so I can "heal".
I "ran", I left very self-consciously with a feeling of such failure, I felt like "my father". Why couldn't I stay, why couldn't I adjust my "plan" and make the most of a situation with unconditional love for those around me and stick my plan out? Because my "plan" wouldn't have been perfect?? Because I'd have to put others feelings before my own? Because it was easier to run back home and hibernate inside licking my wounds? I'm not quite sure, but these are questions for "me, myself and I" to ponder further.
Actually, I'll end with this: I've thought of the "me" as being my earthly-self, "myself" being my eartly-self blended with the invisible-intelligence flowing through all (evolution in process), and "I" being intuition that speaks from the "I-I" flowing through every living thing on earth. I know this isn't an original thought, even though it's put in my words, because I know the Hawaiians also believe along these lines from what I studied years ago.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Yesterday was a hard one for me because I had to face myself, and I wasn't happy with what I saw. I'm actually too ashamed to write my inner drama; it was absolutely nothing in comparrison to just about anything. My "plans" for how I saw my day going began a bit rough, but I continued. I even got myself to my destination, and began to see how really useless I was, and I was overheated and there was nothing I could do about it. I'm sure part of the heat I felt was frustration at myself.
I suddenly felt very self-conscious, felt I'd been stupid to think otherwise since the circumstances were a "given", but it weren't going to play out as I'd imagined. This all sounds so cryptic, and that's okay, I just need to finish playing this out in my mind, so I can "heal".
I "ran", I left very self-consciously with a feeling of such failure, I felt like "my father". Why couldn't I stay, why couldn't I adjust my "plan" and make the most of a situation with unconditional love for those around me and stick my plan out? Because my "plan" wouldn't have been perfect?? Because I'd have to put others feelings before my own? Because it was easier to run back home and hibernate inside licking my wounds? I'm not quite sure, but these are questions for "me, myself and I" to ponder further.
Actually, I'll end with this: I've thought of the "me" as being my earthly-self, "myself" being my eartly-self blended with the invisible-intelligence flowing through all (evolution in process), and "I" being intuition that speaks from the "I-I" flowing through every living thing on earth. I know this isn't an original thought, even though it's put in my words, because I know the Hawaiians also believe along these lines from what I studied years ago.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Building Unconditional Love
Perhaps I'm not as blind to love the way I'd been for well over 50 years. But trying to go backwards in time to eradicate damage already done, to now adult children, is quite a difficult challenge.
My daughter already vehemently rejects me even saying, "unconditional love" anymore. Yes, I do get all consumed with words that have unlocked knowledge in me and I'm sure I've overused 'em to explain my "new position". Admittedly, I've been obnoxious.
How can I ever get across the understanding of subconscious conditions we place on receiving love?
I believe this is essential information to have if one expects to have the deepest confidence and love for themselves ~ that will allow their life to flow in perpetual, relative peace (within their-self).
How can I explain my growing awareness of conditions stemming from fear- based resistance, or conditions set in our minds that we assume help us maintain control of our lives.
Absolutely, it's essential to set your own conditions (or boundaries) to who or what you'll allow into your lives
.
Control is a learned behavior we modify or change if/when we choose.
Isn't it obvious that humans raised, anywhere, with the second-nature mindset of unconditional love for the highest good for all living things is what "turns" a peaceful, balanced planet?
When we're not able to "let go of our position" (this is what I know; this is what I want; this is who I am) we can become so ensnared in our own delusions that we're unable to ascertain reality, and we could be lie-ing to our Self with our ego.
I do appreciate we all learn in our own time, I understand we can lead a horse to water, but we can't make 'em drink, I know we all live our lives as individuals, but I'm talking about my children. I see harmful patterns that ran for generations in my blood relatives. I see them and I'm doing everything I can to expand awareness, so these aspects can be modified to allow the "us" to receive and give unconditional love with all we possibly can.
Can't you just hear how badly I want to reach my own children's hearts and minds? They're all almost in their thirties, and the next generation is forming right now. I hear my impatience. My impatience ultimately always backfires from my good intentions. I ask my Self when I'll ever learn?
Okay there, "I've" told my Self again ~ patience, love, and acceptance. Again I found it within my silence. I'd received another slap from life, and processed it within my silence. I'm certain I dealt with the invisible intelligence which runs through all living things and at least the "slaps" are more gentle, yet still waking me up to myself.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
My daughter already vehemently rejects me even saying, "unconditional love" anymore. Yes, I do get all consumed with words that have unlocked knowledge in me and I'm sure I've overused 'em to explain my "new position". Admittedly, I've been obnoxious.
How can I ever get across the understanding of subconscious conditions we place on receiving love?
I believe this is essential information to have if one expects to have the deepest confidence and love for themselves ~ that will allow their life to flow in perpetual, relative peace (within their-self).
How can I explain my growing awareness of conditions stemming from fear- based resistance, or conditions set in our minds that we assume help us maintain control of our lives.
Absolutely, it's essential to set your own conditions (or boundaries) to who or what you'll allow into your lives
.
Control is a learned behavior we modify or change if/when we choose.
Isn't it obvious that humans raised, anywhere, with the second-nature mindset of unconditional love for the highest good for all living things is what "turns" a peaceful, balanced planet?
When we're not able to "let go of our position" (this is what I know; this is what I want; this is who I am) we can become so ensnared in our own delusions that we're unable to ascertain reality, and we could be lie-ing to our Self with our ego.
I do appreciate we all learn in our own time, I understand we can lead a horse to water, but we can't make 'em drink, I know we all live our lives as individuals, but I'm talking about my children. I see harmful patterns that ran for generations in my blood relatives. I see them and I'm doing everything I can to expand awareness, so these aspects can be modified to allow the "us" to receive and give unconditional love with all we possibly can.
Can't you just hear how badly I want to reach my own children's hearts and minds? They're all almost in their thirties, and the next generation is forming right now. I hear my impatience. My impatience ultimately always backfires from my good intentions. I ask my Self when I'll ever learn?
Okay there, "I've" told my Self again ~ patience, love, and acceptance. Again I found it within my silence. I'd received another slap from life, and processed it within my silence. I'm certain I dealt with the invisible intelligence which runs through all living things and at least the "slaps" are more gentle, yet still waking me up to myself.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Another Day to Give
To give my wisdom, to give of myself as I evolve into a being that exudes unconditional love in facial and body language, and a tone in my voice that embraces a growing consciousness of the words that exit my mouth (before they exit my mouth). This too is a forever journey for me, as I "monitor" my own progress by the "reactions" of those in my "sphere of influence" (I imagine it as a bubble that mingles with countless other bubbles).
This is where my awareness into the mechanics of life has my focus today. I have come down a very winding and self-created difficult path, because I'm kinda thick headed. I still had "ego" to shed on a deeper level than I realized existed) in order to stop resisting wisdom that exists in each of us.
I look at just about everything today, from the perspective of what's happening is a massive learning about by "seeing yourself" move through crisis of the world today ~
Mankind has evolved into a species always wanting more. More conveniences, wanting life easier (more money) for "survival", then egos evolved to "all about "me" versus "us" (things done for the greatest good for all), and mixing that with a "what's-in[it-for-me-attitude" it became an uncontrollable breeding ground for greed, which grew into the disease of the world today.
And man's addictions have always been cursing our evolutions as individuals. Recognizing our addictions, taking responsibility for what we CAN do or not do, in every aspect of our lives, is essential for any kind of change or evolution as a whole species. Addictions have the curse of a disease, yet we're responsible to do our part ~ with our inner guidance to follow. Why would we choose responsibility of any kind if it's easier to blame or excuse?
I did it and I can't give you a good reason. Lack of personal awareness? Yes! Lack of understanding of unconditional love for myself being at the core of sharing unconditional love for the highest good for all.
We're being forced (with the force of nature) to learn what's really important on the deepest level of man's existance: evolution of the planet, to respect what it provides in conjunction with an unfathomable brilliance of balance for the planet's inhabitants of every single kind.
Soloutions?? There always are. Think in terms of making the most of what you do have in the ways of survival, (on the simplest terms) by being creative in thought for how you can enjoy and achieve this. I learned this only after I'd crashed into a pile of pathetic-poor-me and resisted learning the true mechanics of life.
Life is a different experience from this perspective. Every single living person has a form of creativity inside who they are (absolutely zero boundaries to creativity), be proactive by doing your best to do (all) you can do ~ that's enough! Do it in terms of love and evolution for all.
The mechanics of life will begin to excite your spirit as you acknowledge awareness is there when we choose to be open to the process of evolution.
Enough today. Fare well and a hui ho, LL
This is where my awareness into the mechanics of life has my focus today. I have come down a very winding and self-created difficult path, because I'm kinda thick headed. I still had "ego" to shed on a deeper level than I realized existed) in order to stop resisting wisdom that exists in each of us.
I look at just about everything today, from the perspective of what's happening is a massive learning about by "seeing yourself" move through crisis of the world today ~
Mankind has evolved into a species always wanting more. More conveniences, wanting life easier (more money) for "survival", then egos evolved to "all about "me" versus "us" (things done for the greatest good for all), and mixing that with a "what's-in[it-for-me-attitude" it became an uncontrollable breeding ground for greed, which grew into the disease of the world today.
And man's addictions have always been cursing our evolutions as individuals. Recognizing our addictions, taking responsibility for what we CAN do or not do, in every aspect of our lives, is essential for any kind of change or evolution as a whole species. Addictions have the curse of a disease, yet we're responsible to do our part ~ with our inner guidance to follow. Why would we choose responsibility of any kind if it's easier to blame or excuse?
I did it and I can't give you a good reason. Lack of personal awareness? Yes! Lack of understanding of unconditional love for myself being at the core of sharing unconditional love for the highest good for all.
We're being forced (with the force of nature) to learn what's really important on the deepest level of man's existance: evolution of the planet, to respect what it provides in conjunction with an unfathomable brilliance of balance for the planet's inhabitants of every single kind.
Soloutions?? There always are. Think in terms of making the most of what you do have in the ways of survival, (on the simplest terms) by being creative in thought for how you can enjoy and achieve this. I learned this only after I'd crashed into a pile of pathetic-poor-me and resisted learning the true mechanics of life.
Life is a different experience from this perspective. Every single living person has a form of creativity inside who they are (absolutely zero boundaries to creativity), be proactive by doing your best to do (all) you can do ~ that's enough! Do it in terms of love and evolution for all.
The mechanics of life will begin to excite your spirit as you acknowledge awareness is there when we choose to be open to the process of evolution.
Enough today. Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Monday, October 29, 2012
Whoa Buckshot ~
What's happening? I must process this in writing to hope to find my wisdom flowing within my Self. And I'm not going to expect my son will ever have the fortitude to attempt to read the couple posts I felt compelled to share, by giving him the name of this blog. No matter: I'll write free of judgment ~ this is mine ~
It's his life, my daughter and her growing family have their lives, each of us have very individual lives (yet connected lives simply through unconditional love). And unfortunately this is an extremely difficult mindset to sustain once one has the "ah ha" moment, let alone for most people to even be aware of when they're just going through life.
I'm more than enough aware that I could appear "so needy" of involvement with my children's lives (impatiently wanting the connection of unconditional love with my grandbabies with my children), and how I may appear to still be pushing. I've got to be satisfied with a few hours maybe once a week. My goodness I just realized that IS enough for a family where outside love is difficult to receive. They know I'd love to be invited over for coffee some time over the weekends when my son stays with his sister.
Either that or I perceive/feel far more than is good for my own good? I'm gonna explain ~ Sunday, I'd been out washing a tent in a laundry, meeting an older couple who arranged to meet me to give me my apron I left at my soup kitchen Friday, delivered stale bread to my good friend (for the critters, especially before the inevitable rain from hurricane Sandy).
I got home to a heart-warming phone message from my daughter's phone (my two G-babies saying good morning 45 mins earlier). I heard my 3 mth old grandson begin to smile and coo (and no, I know it wasn't "to" me), then my almost 2 yr old grandaughter said, "Morning LaLa", I was at the pinnacle of my happiness.
I guess I should have left "good enough" alone, but no. LaLa has to call them back. Not a good move I guess. My daughter is finding her comfort in sharing her Self with me (going to be at dad's, helping sibling today...). Is this how I always seem to over-do my enthusiasm about "moving ahead" in life? I wanted to ask ahead if my idea was gonna work for the following day.
A couple days ago I'd thought how it would make things smell and "feel" good when my daughter brings her two children to my tiny apartment for the first time. Since we talked about a possible Mon or Tue, I hoped perhaps this week. I already told my daughter I want to be the one to carry and be with my grandaughter one-on-one when she first enters my home. (I will not risk having any strange vibes, including body language, subconsciously passed on). Takes far too long to undo first encounters.
I want her to feel the magic of stillness and peace amidst an eclectic and creatively-alive decor ~ versus it being claustrophobic. I believe the smell of what my grandaughter named "LaLa's crackers" (a specific cookie she obviously liked) would help create a sense of unconditional love.
I can rationalize the above scenario. I'm sure if I just keep looking at me, myself, and I, which I now just have, I will make acceptance my game. Love for who I am, love being the magic pill for all, patience must follow my awareness, and I'm back to joining the flow of my life in peace.
Okay, so now on to my day, and it's already "late" in my eyes.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
It's his life, my daughter and her growing family have their lives, each of us have very individual lives (yet connected lives simply through unconditional love). And unfortunately this is an extremely difficult mindset to sustain once one has the "ah ha" moment, let alone for most people to even be aware of when they're just going through life.
I'm more than enough aware that I could appear "so needy" of involvement with my children's lives (impatiently wanting the connection of unconditional love with my grandbabies with my children), and how I may appear to still be pushing. I've got to be satisfied with a few hours maybe once a week. My goodness I just realized that IS enough for a family where outside love is difficult to receive. They know I'd love to be invited over for coffee some time over the weekends when my son stays with his sister.
Either that or I perceive/feel far more than is good for my own good? I'm gonna explain ~ Sunday, I'd been out washing a tent in a laundry, meeting an older couple who arranged to meet me to give me my apron I left at my soup kitchen Friday, delivered stale bread to my good friend (for the critters, especially before the inevitable rain from hurricane Sandy).
I got home to a heart-warming phone message from my daughter's phone (my two G-babies saying good morning 45 mins earlier). I heard my 3 mth old grandson begin to smile and coo (and no, I know it wasn't "to" me), then my almost 2 yr old grandaughter said, "Morning LaLa", I was at the pinnacle of my happiness.
I guess I should have left "good enough" alone, but no. LaLa has to call them back. Not a good move I guess. My daughter is finding her comfort in sharing her Self with me (going to be at dad's, helping sibling today...). Is this how I always seem to over-do my enthusiasm about "moving ahead" in life? I wanted to ask ahead if my idea was gonna work for the following day.
A couple days ago I'd thought how it would make things smell and "feel" good when my daughter brings her two children to my tiny apartment for the first time. Since we talked about a possible Mon or Tue, I hoped perhaps this week. I already told my daughter I want to be the one to carry and be with my grandaughter one-on-one when she first enters my home. (I will not risk having any strange vibes, including body language, subconsciously passed on). Takes far too long to undo first encounters.
I want her to feel the magic of stillness and peace amidst an eclectic and creatively-alive decor ~ versus it being claustrophobic. I believe the smell of what my grandaughter named "LaLa's crackers" (a specific cookie she obviously liked) would help create a sense of unconditional love.
I can rationalize the above scenario. I'm sure if I just keep looking at me, myself, and I, which I now just have, I will make acceptance my game. Love for who I am, love being the magic pill for all, patience must follow my awareness, and I'm back to joining the flow of my life in peace.
Okay, so now on to my day, and it's already "late" in my eyes.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Subconscious Conditions ~
Oh no! What's this now? We all have some sort of understanding of what subconscious means. "They" say our dreams and our feelings are a form of our subconscious communicating with our physical minds. I can't disagree.
The other day I had a split moment that struck me with "subconscious conditions" and here's what I was thinking. I'm sure it's the "same" as checking your motives http://checkingyourmotives.blogspot.com because it can consciously help us change our behavior.
It's amazing to become aware of how often our words or actions reflect our own buried conditions such as, "I knew them 10 years ago and they did this or that so I'm gonna react the same, to them, as I always have", or "I'm not feeling chipper today, so it's okay to do this or that to feel better", or "I've always been treated this way, this is familiar to me, this is what I know, this is how I'm most comfortable with myself . ." bla bla. We all know what we do to ourselves that keeps the Dominos falling.
To see "things" change around us, to see Dominos build on each other rather than toppling, we've got to be willing to see ourselves for what we are or want to be. Nothing is impossible; it just takes the first baby step in motion. Putting a thought, or new awareness, into action takes courage, even perhaps beyond the courage it took to survive life to this point.
Trusting yourself that you CAN and WILL do everything in your power to stay the course of trust and love, has got to be one key to unlocking a door to a brighter future don't you think? It's simply making up your mind to listen to your Self. There is some invisible intelligence called "God" that is in all of us, there's got to be! "It" speaks to us if we're willing to listen. Yes, our gut never lies and our gut feelings become known to us when we listen.
Our physical mind has a lot the power. You yourself know the difference if you really care to notice a difference in what you pay attention to. One thought seems to come from your physical body that's lived through life so far, and the other seems to come from a part of us that knows better. See?
I prefer to say I'm following my heart, but that can be confusing if your physical heart is seeking a mate (which I believe is one of those animal instincts that keep any species going). We're different because we humans and can process thoughts. We can/do choose to ignore what we don't want to hear (as in that voice in our heads): Our free wills: Our human ability: Our choice: Our decision: Our bla bla.
It makes us human to choose to listen to our own self love, which speaks of good for what's best for US in terms of the evolution of everything. Our human brains can't possibly know all this consciously. I certainly don't mean to make this sound too confusing.
Like it or not, it really comes down to what we're willing to do to have things change. Looking outside yourself for something that'll "do it" (enable you to "have" differently) is ALWAYS going to take your life off course eventually.
The answers are always inside us, the changes can only come from our SELF (the invisible intelligence flowing through everything). We take the action and we see the results, and we can choose to see how this affects life around us. This writing is really just more of the same; just worded with my own awareness.
I've been amazed how I find myself (increasing swiftly over the last 3 years) saying cliches we've all heard (which I'm blank now for any) as if I'm the originator of the thinking. But I'm certainly not. It's been a journey to discover the wisdom within. It's an even more challenging path to walk with confidence.
Confidence is the gift we find when we love ourselves enough to listen to that little voice inside. Creating an impenetrable confidence doesn't happen "over-night". I'm sure it's different for everyone. All I know is mine is stronger and still getting stronger, so if it can happen for me I believe it can happen for anyone willing to trust and love the inherent good within every baby born on earth. Finding it begins the moment you decide to see "you can".
Have faith in the process that's all I can say.
I know I've spewed and spewed my own process in life, and if someone felt it "hit their own heart" my time has not been for "not" ~ which seems like an odd expression, and I wonder if I've written it right. Oh well.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
The other day I had a split moment that struck me with "subconscious conditions" and here's what I was thinking. I'm sure it's the "same" as checking your motives http://checkingyourmotives.blogspot.com because it can consciously help us change our behavior.
It's amazing to become aware of how often our words or actions reflect our own buried conditions such as, "I knew them 10 years ago and they did this or that so I'm gonna react the same, to them, as I always have", or "I'm not feeling chipper today, so it's okay to do this or that to feel better", or "I've always been treated this way, this is familiar to me, this is what I know, this is how I'm most comfortable with myself . ." bla bla. We all know what we do to ourselves that keeps the Dominos falling.
To see "things" change around us, to see Dominos build on each other rather than toppling, we've got to be willing to see ourselves for what we are or want to be. Nothing is impossible; it just takes the first baby step in motion. Putting a thought, or new awareness, into action takes courage, even perhaps beyond the courage it took to survive life to this point.
Trusting yourself that you CAN and WILL do everything in your power to stay the course of trust and love, has got to be one key to unlocking a door to a brighter future don't you think? It's simply making up your mind to listen to your Self. There is some invisible intelligence called "God" that is in all of us, there's got to be! "It" speaks to us if we're willing to listen. Yes, our gut never lies and our gut feelings become known to us when we listen.
Our physical mind has a lot the power. You yourself know the difference if you really care to notice a difference in what you pay attention to. One thought seems to come from your physical body that's lived through life so far, and the other seems to come from a part of us that knows better. See?
I prefer to say I'm following my heart, but that can be confusing if your physical heart is seeking a mate (which I believe is one of those animal instincts that keep any species going). We're different because we humans and can process thoughts. We can/do choose to ignore what we don't want to hear (as in that voice in our heads): Our free wills: Our human ability: Our choice: Our decision: Our bla bla.
It makes us human to choose to listen to our own self love, which speaks of good for what's best for US in terms of the evolution of everything. Our human brains can't possibly know all this consciously. I certainly don't mean to make this sound too confusing.
Like it or not, it really comes down to what we're willing to do to have things change. Looking outside yourself for something that'll "do it" (enable you to "have" differently) is ALWAYS going to take your life off course eventually.
The answers are always inside us, the changes can only come from our SELF (the invisible intelligence flowing through everything). We take the action and we see the results, and we can choose to see how this affects life around us. This writing is really just more of the same; just worded with my own awareness.
I've been amazed how I find myself (increasing swiftly over the last 3 years) saying cliches we've all heard (which I'm blank now for any) as if I'm the originator of the thinking. But I'm certainly not. It's been a journey to discover the wisdom within. It's an even more challenging path to walk with confidence.
Confidence is the gift we find when we love ourselves enough to listen to that little voice inside. Creating an impenetrable confidence doesn't happen "over-night". I'm sure it's different for everyone. All I know is mine is stronger and still getting stronger, so if it can happen for me I believe it can happen for anyone willing to trust and love the inherent good within every baby born on earth. Finding it begins the moment you decide to see "you can".
Have faith in the process that's all I can say.
I know I've spewed and spewed my own process in life, and if someone felt it "hit their own heart" my time has not been for "not" ~ which seems like an odd expression, and I wonder if I've written it right. Oh well.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Thursday, October 18, 2012
More awareness ~
I must be one of the biggest fools on earth right now. Why? Because I pushed and pushed, and I'll be fortunate if I didn't push myself right out of my children's lives. Iyanla would say we've had a "family breakdown".
I was feeling I had the power to change the thinking of my children that do not embrace the idea of anything spiritual. I wanted them to. I thought it was the right thing for them. I thought it would help my grandbabies' future lives if they believe. I wanted them to admit-to-themselves there does appear to be some invisible intelligence to "it all".
But I had to admit my, what ego(?) had me believing I had some ability or power to change their thinking. How humbling.
I failed to use the idea that evolution must happen because of some physically-invisible intelligence (I laughed when I wrote that conundrum). So maybe that will lead to ponder how thoughts are like electricity. And could that lead to the belief that thoughts create future realities ~ yes? Then we ponder the process. See our hearts and minds working in conjunction?
My not even thought-out plan of how to lovingly start asking questions backfired like a cannon. My daughter (I'm ashamed of myself to say) came to tears because I couldn't let her (them) just be. "It's their lives ~ their way ~
She kindly asked me to leave. Because I acted without listening to what I know to be true, "Back the f' up (see me yelling at myself?) and FEEL/internalize the wisdom of "It's HER life" (I was SO anxious about my grandbabies' futures) ~
I'm now asking myself why I didn't listen to myself. Get it? My invisible self. Why? Even to have said, "I was anxious" is the antithesis of what I "preach" ~
My words over the last 24 years, have evolved and changed and I'm learning to tone down my personality (created by age 3 they say). I try as hard as I can. And I literally get pissed at myself. I'm changing as I write this. I'm internalizing my own self. I'm owning myself. I'm the one responsible for my spirit "self".
I never had to take total responsibility for my total self before the age of 48 and several marriages after. Oh what a painful and traumatic time; it should have been a joy to learn to do this, but I was emotionally wounded. I shoulda been ready to "do it" after K-12 school. But I was too afraid and followed my older sister to more school (because "that's the only way to get ahead" or what's in this world FOR ME thinking ~ and I hated every moment of school except the partying ~ so I just kept my head just above water to get through school.
I am so much more. I know today I've risked loosing her trust completely. It's not worth it to me and I've asked them (in writing early this morning) to trust me I'll NEVER bring anything spiritual up again. And to trust I'll never say anything to their children; they're "theirs" and they're doing a great job with great kids.
I have a belief, now cemented within me, that it's some perfect blend of our freewill AND the physically-invisible intelligence of the mechanics of all living things on this earth that create our realities. I believe our characters are created as a blend of our genes. I believe that character evolves from what we're exposed to. I believe that's where the ability to change comes from the tendencies we're born with (understood by the study of Jyotish, Astrology...). Therefore, I feel pretty confident that we're born with our character.
My cousin's latest blog post (http://checkingmymotive.blogspot.com) got me thinking about all of this, I believe the past and present are the culmination of innate character (which absolutely includes our individual tendencies for making choices) and the emotions created in our upbringing (which I believe blends with our bodies physical health tendencies). I believe by far the majority of our actions stem from our beliefs about ourselves. This is why I place SO much weight on unconditional love for ourselves and the awareness that we each have the invisible intelligence that aligns with love, harmony, giving, truth, sharing, peace and forgiveness.
And "talking" with my cousin JJ, I've thought of the necessary joy for a person to be able to find their "independent" self by at least living alone until they they can do life on their own terms and be okay. Yes, and there's that 20% who are ready after K-12. Always better late than never ~ yea?
Well anyway I'm still learning, refining, learning, refining and living the life I've created as an adult.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
I was feeling I had the power to change the thinking of my children that do not embrace the idea of anything spiritual. I wanted them to. I thought it was the right thing for them. I thought it would help my grandbabies' future lives if they believe. I wanted them to admit-to-themselves there does appear to be some invisible intelligence to "it all".
But I had to admit my, what ego(?) had me believing I had some ability or power to change their thinking. How humbling.
I failed to use the idea that evolution must happen because of some physically-invisible intelligence (I laughed when I wrote that conundrum). So maybe that will lead to ponder how thoughts are like electricity. And could that lead to the belief that thoughts create future realities ~ yes? Then we ponder the process. See our hearts and minds working in conjunction?
My not even thought-out plan of how to lovingly start asking questions backfired like a cannon. My daughter (I'm ashamed of myself to say) came to tears because I couldn't let her (them) just be. "It's their lives ~ their way ~
She kindly asked me to leave. Because I acted without listening to what I know to be true, "Back the f' up (see me yelling at myself?) and FEEL/internalize the wisdom of "It's HER life" (I was SO anxious about my grandbabies' futures) ~
I'm now asking myself why I didn't listen to myself. Get it? My invisible self. Why? Even to have said, "I was anxious" is the antithesis of what I "preach" ~
My words over the last 24 years, have evolved and changed and I'm learning to tone down my personality (created by age 3 they say). I try as hard as I can. And I literally get pissed at myself. I'm changing as I write this. I'm internalizing my own self. I'm owning myself. I'm the one responsible for my spirit "self".
I never had to take total responsibility for my total self before the age of 48 and several marriages after. Oh what a painful and traumatic time; it should have been a joy to learn to do this, but I was emotionally wounded. I shoulda been ready to "do it" after K-12 school. But I was too afraid and followed my older sister to more school (because "that's the only way to get ahead" or what's in this world FOR ME thinking ~ and I hated every moment of school except the partying ~ so I just kept my head just above water to get through school.
I am so much more. I know today I've risked loosing her trust completely. It's not worth it to me and I've asked them (in writing early this morning) to trust me I'll NEVER bring anything spiritual up again. And to trust I'll never say anything to their children; they're "theirs" and they're doing a great job with great kids.
I have a belief, now cemented within me, that it's some perfect blend of our freewill AND the physically-invisible intelligence of the mechanics of all living things on this earth that create our realities. I believe our characters are created as a blend of our genes. I believe that character evolves from what we're exposed to. I believe that's where the ability to change comes from the tendencies we're born with (understood by the study of Jyotish, Astrology...). Therefore, I feel pretty confident that we're born with our character.
My cousin's latest blog post (http://checkingmymotive.blogspot.com) got me thinking about all of this, I believe the past and present are the culmination of innate character (which absolutely includes our individual tendencies for making choices) and the emotions created in our upbringing (which I believe blends with our bodies physical health tendencies). I believe by far the majority of our actions stem from our beliefs about ourselves. This is why I place SO much weight on unconditional love for ourselves and the awareness that we each have the invisible intelligence that aligns with love, harmony, giving, truth, sharing, peace and forgiveness.
And "talking" with my cousin JJ, I've thought of the necessary joy for a person to be able to find their "independent" self by at least living alone until they they can do life on their own terms and be okay. Yes, and there's that 20% who are ready after K-12. Always better late than never ~ yea?
Well anyway I'm still learning, refining, learning, refining and living the life I've created as an adult.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Believing in a Power greater than us alone!
Oh my heart and mind are swirling. I'm aware, now, that my purpose is and has been to become aware of the deeper part of me, and then to express what I know. I feel as if I'm in the middle. Between what I ask?
Between 33 years in total darkness (that's another 10 hour story), to an accident in which my children, who were nearly 4 and 6 at the time, literally saved their mother's life by having the fortitude to leave her (I moaned when my son tried to talk to me) and go for help. The story was told to me by my mother's 78 year old mother, Moy as named by her first grandchild ~ my older sister. My life was never the same because this was my first awareness that there could possibly be something called "God".
Two years later I was blessed to have met and co-existed with Michael, the man that embraced my children as his own, me as a woman with some inner strength to overcome all odds and hopefully the ability to love. That marvelous relationship suddenly ended after months of several seemingly small events that added up to a painful split twelve years later and only months after "our" youngest, a daughter, graduated from high school. My son had already left home after 8th grade to "do high school in Maine in his father's home.
Michael began to speak of this higher power we call "God" and I've spent almost 24 years since reading book after book written by some of the greatst literary minds of today and yesterday on the subject of a power greater than us alone. So here I am. I must do my best with my limited abilities to express the awareness I must also attempt to share in a way more and more people will relate to in order to become aware of a human's ability to love unconditionally.
It's self love first, and that's where it all begins and should be continually enhanced by the people who gave us life. Of course that's NOT what happens in so many heart breaking scenarios, and just as horrible, when parents that do love are unable to share what is our birthright to naturally experience: unconditional love ~ starting with ourselves.
Most infants experience the ability to understand communication with body language first. Of course it's got to be understood there is a spectrum of extremes, with the all shades of gray in-between, with everything. This is a law of the universe ; just like gravity. But no matter what ~ human infants learn communication first from body language. A world of emotions are subconsciously learned from there. Doesn't it make sense that words of unconditional love and nurturing should follow if man is ever to live in peace and harmony on a planet that has every resource to sustain life on an unfathomable scale of diversity?
I don't wish to sound arrogant since I came from a family with privileges many never have. For years my parents were once struggling to survive financially when we were young. We even lived in a little, semi cylindrical metal roofed shelter, my father studied and worked, my mother did what ever she could to make cloths and food for the two babies she already had. As a matter of fact, all the way through high school, I was always the one in "dorky", or homemade, or passed down cloths, and I never had all the usual things my couple girlfriends in junior high or high school had.
Life is not easy for almost everyone, but if you only understood how relative it is to each person and their circumstances. One is no better or worse (in the grand scheme of life) than the other as far as personal emotions goes. You know how this is true when you have awareness into either ends of the spectrum of life situations. It is useless to question why. But this is simply something to accept because there is zero alternative. And it's our SELF-love that reigns most critical all through our lives. If we only knew that ~ right?
We all come from a line of lives and our blood or DNA is combined 50/50 all through eternity. That alone is pretty mind-blowing just to imagine. But imagine if somehow we each learned to love ourselves unconditionally. When we can, we learn more and more about ourselves and our abilities to overcome most or all obstacles. I know this sounds too simple and too idealistic. Simple ~ yes. Easy ~ NO. Idealistic ~ of course, but who's to say this can't be reality?
Isn't that what "this time" is about?!? Saving humanity from itself! Trust me ~ it starts with the belief there is simply more to us than what we can process as truth with our amazing 5 senses. What that is is very simply the capabilities of our human brains that are by no means understood in the 21st century.
So let's go back to unconditional love. I will have to continue at another time, because I have a full day already in motion, but I want to say this. Every living thing on earth has a purpose. With insects and animals it's instinctive, from what we understand, and when we're talking about mammals, we're talking about higher and higher consciousness within them. Yet, humans have the free will in all areas of life. Let's not confuse the issue with who we're born to or where. As I said, simply take it as simply a part of our purpose to love unconditionally.
Most people are stressed out wondering what their assigned purpose is. I know; I was there for many years. But now it's more than clear that each of us has a purpose to love unconditionally, share with others, help and serve others in an amazing multitude of ways. That pretty well sums it up for today. I hope ~
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Between 33 years in total darkness (that's another 10 hour story), to an accident in which my children, who were nearly 4 and 6 at the time, literally saved their mother's life by having the fortitude to leave her (I moaned when my son tried to talk to me) and go for help. The story was told to me by my mother's 78 year old mother, Moy as named by her first grandchild ~ my older sister. My life was never the same because this was my first awareness that there could possibly be something called "God".
Two years later I was blessed to have met and co-existed with Michael, the man that embraced my children as his own, me as a woman with some inner strength to overcome all odds and hopefully the ability to love. That marvelous relationship suddenly ended after months of several seemingly small events that added up to a painful split twelve years later and only months after "our" youngest, a daughter, graduated from high school. My son had already left home after 8th grade to "do high school in Maine in his father's home.
Michael began to speak of this higher power we call "God" and I've spent almost 24 years since reading book after book written by some of the greatst literary minds of today and yesterday on the subject of a power greater than us alone. So here I am. I must do my best with my limited abilities to express the awareness I must also attempt to share in a way more and more people will relate to in order to become aware of a human's ability to love unconditionally.
It's self love first, and that's where it all begins and should be continually enhanced by the people who gave us life. Of course that's NOT what happens in so many heart breaking scenarios, and just as horrible, when parents that do love are unable to share what is our birthright to naturally experience: unconditional love ~ starting with ourselves.
Most infants experience the ability to understand communication with body language first. Of course it's got to be understood there is a spectrum of extremes, with the all shades of gray in-between, with everything. This is a law of the universe ; just like gravity. But no matter what ~ human infants learn communication first from body language. A world of emotions are subconsciously learned from there. Doesn't it make sense that words of unconditional love and nurturing should follow if man is ever to live in peace and harmony on a planet that has every resource to sustain life on an unfathomable scale of diversity?
I don't wish to sound arrogant since I came from a family with privileges many never have. For years my parents were once struggling to survive financially when we were young. We even lived in a little, semi cylindrical metal roofed shelter, my father studied and worked, my mother did what ever she could to make cloths and food for the two babies she already had. As a matter of fact, all the way through high school, I was always the one in "dorky", or homemade, or passed down cloths, and I never had all the usual things my couple girlfriends in junior high or high school had.
Life is not easy for almost everyone, but if you only understood how relative it is to each person and their circumstances. One is no better or worse (in the grand scheme of life) than the other as far as personal emotions goes. You know how this is true when you have awareness into either ends of the spectrum of life situations. It is useless to question why. But this is simply something to accept because there is zero alternative. And it's our SELF-love that reigns most critical all through our lives. If we only knew that ~ right?
We all come from a line of lives and our blood or DNA is combined 50/50 all through eternity. That alone is pretty mind-blowing just to imagine. But imagine if somehow we each learned to love ourselves unconditionally. When we can, we learn more and more about ourselves and our abilities to overcome most or all obstacles. I know this sounds too simple and too idealistic. Simple ~ yes. Easy ~ NO. Idealistic ~ of course, but who's to say this can't be reality?
Isn't that what "this time" is about?!? Saving humanity from itself! Trust me ~ it starts with the belief there is simply more to us than what we can process as truth with our amazing 5 senses. What that is is very simply the capabilities of our human brains that are by no means understood in the 21st century.
So let's go back to unconditional love. I will have to continue at another time, because I have a full day already in motion, but I want to say this. Every living thing on earth has a purpose. With insects and animals it's instinctive, from what we understand, and when we're talking about mammals, we're talking about higher and higher consciousness within them. Yet, humans have the free will in all areas of life. Let's not confuse the issue with who we're born to or where. As I said, simply take it as simply a part of our purpose to love unconditionally.
Most people are stressed out wondering what their assigned purpose is. I know; I was there for many years. But now it's more than clear that each of us has a purpose to love unconditionally, share with others, help and serve others in an amazing multitude of ways. That pretty well sums it up for today. I hope ~
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Too good to be true ~
Not only have I connected with my cousin, JJ and miraculously found and read her blog: http://checkingmymotives.blogspot.com but her youngest and only male sibling, "The Oldest" called me last night at a time I'd normally NEVER even check to see who called (unless . .); let alone even answer live. Oh man, that's proof enough for me that "it was meant to happen we'd talk last night".
Meant to be because every aspect within me was right and I was where I was when the phone rang, and JJ had told her brother he'd never get me at night (which is 99% accurate and 1% opportunity I guess) and he called anyway and we spoke for a good 90+ minutes.
He is the youngest of three female siblings and two weeks older than my youngest and only male sibling. Last night we laughed about the fact that between my brother and himself he IS the oldest. I suppose that was an issue between the boys" when our paths did cross when we were young.
We talked about perceptions, tragedies in life (within the last year he has lost his son to death and within a year, his wife to divorce), bonds and affection between immediate family. Again, my cousins are children of my father's youngest and only sibling. We all basically grew up entirely differently, yet with emotional scars that are identical enough to open my awareness into life even more. I was shocked to learn that this cousin I spoke with last night has memories of saying his prayers, with our grandmother, before bed. I believed there was zero mention of "God" within my father's growing up time.
Now I'm baffled again and for certain I'll never be able to discuss any of this with my father. My father is the oldest and only living person we all know of it appears, in our immediate "bloodline" as relatives. Kinda mind baffling to imagine how blood mixes, mixes, mixes for eternity, and what that truly means. DNA fascinates me.
All I know, at this time in my life, is that in my gut I feel something almost magical about the fact we're all "one". I've been sensing the oneness in ways I can't succinctly describe. It's simply more of a new awareness, in our minds, that we acknowledge to "our hearts" and we feel something magical inside,
I can only say you can imagine it as best you can, and you may feel "it" too in a fashion unique to you. When I began to realize, so intensely, how each and every person's mind and body energy interacts to create situations where it's always possible to "see" your self" (good, bad, indifferent) and how everything culminates from our thoughts, beliefs, actions, whatever. For me it's an extremely humbling experience.
As I wrote about my beliefs, a humbling experience can be profoundly pleasant when you're aware the path leads towards unconditional love and harmony. Enough said. Again we know when we know. We're each ready to receive (the good out here) in our own time. Can't be forced as we all know ya can lead a horse to water, but ya can't make it drink.
Recovery or healing ourselves begins as a mere thought or growing feeling within us that "we're all done" with the pain and dramas we've experienced. We each have "me, myself, and I" with us at all times. Somewhere in there is this God-like energy surrounding everything and in everything ~ including us ~ we are our own best company, companion, mate, or best friend (because when we get mad it's only at ourselves). Does this feel like it makes sense to you?
I can tell this is the best place to stop before I get overwhelmed with all I feel. It's Friday and I have good work ahead of me, so will say a quick good morning to JJ in email, and say fare well and a hui ho here, LL
Meant to be because every aspect within me was right and I was where I was when the phone rang, and JJ had told her brother he'd never get me at night (which is 99% accurate and 1% opportunity I guess) and he called anyway and we spoke for a good 90+ minutes.
He is the youngest of three female siblings and two weeks older than my youngest and only male sibling. Last night we laughed about the fact that between my brother and himself he IS the oldest. I suppose that was an issue between the boys" when our paths did cross when we were young.
We talked about perceptions, tragedies in life (within the last year he has lost his son to death and within a year, his wife to divorce), bonds and affection between immediate family. Again, my cousins are children of my father's youngest and only sibling. We all basically grew up entirely differently, yet with emotional scars that are identical enough to open my awareness into life even more. I was shocked to learn that this cousin I spoke with last night has memories of saying his prayers, with our grandmother, before bed. I believed there was zero mention of "God" within my father's growing up time.
Now I'm baffled again and for certain I'll never be able to discuss any of this with my father. My father is the oldest and only living person we all know of it appears, in our immediate "bloodline" as relatives. Kinda mind baffling to imagine how blood mixes, mixes, mixes for eternity, and what that truly means. DNA fascinates me.
All I know, at this time in my life, is that in my gut I feel something almost magical about the fact we're all "one". I've been sensing the oneness in ways I can't succinctly describe. It's simply more of a new awareness, in our minds, that we acknowledge to "our hearts" and we feel something magical inside,
I can only say you can imagine it as best you can, and you may feel "it" too in a fashion unique to you. When I began to realize, so intensely, how each and every person's mind and body energy interacts to create situations where it's always possible to "see" your self" (good, bad, indifferent) and how everything culminates from our thoughts, beliefs, actions, whatever. For me it's an extremely humbling experience.
As I wrote about my beliefs, a humbling experience can be profoundly pleasant when you're aware the path leads towards unconditional love and harmony. Enough said. Again we know when we know. We're each ready to receive (the good out here) in our own time. Can't be forced as we all know ya can lead a horse to water, but ya can't make it drink.
Recovery or healing ourselves begins as a mere thought or growing feeling within us that "we're all done" with the pain and dramas we've experienced. We each have "me, myself, and I" with us at all times. Somewhere in there is this God-like energy surrounding everything and in everything ~ including us ~ we are our own best company, companion, mate, or best friend (because when we get mad it's only at ourselves). Does this feel like it makes sense to you?
I can tell this is the best place to stop before I get overwhelmed with all I feel. It's Friday and I have good work ahead of me, so will say a quick good morning to JJ in email, and say fare well and a hui ho here, LL
Friday, September 14, 2012
Acknowledging our awareness of "our stuff"
I'm such a neophyte when it comes to my growing awareness of the mechanics of life ~ until I'm humbled again in my learning of how things work.
A woman I highly admire and author of the last book, I read, to be the catalyst by bring my "self" to a greater awareness of who I'm defining in my re-fine-ing or refining of behavior. Wow, kinda a mouthful to get out. Iyanla Vanzant is the author I relatively recently became aware of, and ironically her new program on TV is to help us realize the steps to heal our own life and family. Yes, I'm gonna promote this program because it's such an absolute necessity for us humans here on earth. It airs on the "OWN" network and the program is "Iyanla: fix my life" and around here it airs Sunday night at 10 pm. I'm glad I can record it.
Her initial program helped me realize there is a step after awareness. Awareness alone is NOT enough to make lasting change. We easily say things like, "I know, I'm sure, or you're right, bla bla" We can "say" we accept this new awareness, but until we can actually face the fact that possibly we're lie-ing to ourselves about our role, the negative situation will continue. It's SO humbling, to the point of tears sometimes, that we emotionally feel the impact of admitting or acknowledging our role in a situation, we had zero idea was "wrong", that slowly manifests a breakdown or fracture in our relationships.
It's always about facing our "selves", feeling the truth, hearing the truth, embracing the truth, and knowing love of self grows each time we meet another challenge and can "stay the course". But if we lie to ourselves, in any way, about our role in something, anything, it's gonna be nothing more than a bandaid just to have the awareness. Because the bandaid is eventually gonna fall off and expose the wound again.
Facing ourselves is like washing the windows in our house (our soul, our spirit, our "self"), until we can see enough to realize more of who we truly are. Can you see that those around us are like individual tiny mirrors that reflect the good, the bad, and the ugly in experience in our lives, because the mechanics of life and the law of attraction go hand-in-hand. Look around you to prove this to yourself. Only we can learn to set boundaries for ourselves, and who or what we choose to allow to affect our lives.
Unfortunately I must go for today. In the meantime I'll figure where I'm going with what I write.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
A woman I highly admire and author of the last book, I read, to be the catalyst by bring my "self" to a greater awareness of who I'm defining in my re-fine-ing or refining of behavior. Wow, kinda a mouthful to get out. Iyanla Vanzant is the author I relatively recently became aware of, and ironically her new program on TV is to help us realize the steps to heal our own life and family. Yes, I'm gonna promote this program because it's such an absolute necessity for us humans here on earth. It airs on the "OWN" network and the program is "Iyanla: fix my life" and around here it airs Sunday night at 10 pm. I'm glad I can record it.
Her initial program helped me realize there is a step after awareness. Awareness alone is NOT enough to make lasting change. We easily say things like, "I know, I'm sure, or you're right, bla bla" We can "say" we accept this new awareness, but until we can actually face the fact that possibly we're lie-ing to ourselves about our role, the negative situation will continue. It's SO humbling, to the point of tears sometimes, that we emotionally feel the impact of admitting or acknowledging our role in a situation, we had zero idea was "wrong", that slowly manifests a breakdown or fracture in our relationships.
It's always about facing our "selves", feeling the truth, hearing the truth, embracing the truth, and knowing love of self grows each time we meet another challenge and can "stay the course". But if we lie to ourselves, in any way, about our role in something, anything, it's gonna be nothing more than a bandaid just to have the awareness. Because the bandaid is eventually gonna fall off and expose the wound again.
Facing ourselves is like washing the windows in our house (our soul, our spirit, our "self"), until we can see enough to realize more of who we truly are. Can you see that those around us are like individual tiny mirrors that reflect the good, the bad, and the ugly in experience in our lives, because the mechanics of life and the law of attraction go hand-in-hand. Look around you to prove this to yourself. Only we can learn to set boundaries for ourselves, and who or what we choose to allow to affect our lives.
Unfortunately I must go for today. In the meantime I'll figure where I'm going with what I write.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
I had to start over, and even over again ~
It took me many months to get myself back to the point of being able to move ahead with my life, and that's when I decided to find a home in an area with bus transportation that would allow me to manage the affairs of re-creating a shattered life. I went to therapy for a couple more years, even ended up (about a year later) asking my (three) kids if I could have their blessing to end my life (because I was still SO lonely and angry). They begged me to see my psychiatrist to get back onto my meds (that I decided I could manage without).
I spent a VERY angry three weeks in another confined psych ward. I was SO angry, my doctor knew she couldn't keep me there, but she was concerned for my well being out alone. The afternoon I was released a friend, I knew from volunteering at another soup kitchen, extended her love to pick me up, drive me for my meds and take me home. I became SO angry over the "screw-up" with the pharmacy and whatever that I practically just screamed, "take me home". It was hours later when I had to walk thru a raging snowstorm, in the black of night, back to the pharmacy and home again.
Once back in the house, and ironically it was New Years Eve, I lay on my couch in the warm ambiance of my home, and felt incredible sorrow for all I done to cause pain to those I loved. I thought of my life in Hawaii and the man I left to suffer the pain of my choices. I asked for forgiveness and a very tiny tear actually slid down my cheek for the first time in decades.
Somehow, I felt renewed the next day. My daughter cautioned me not to expect the feelings to remain. She knew it was gonna be hard work (determination) to "stay the course".
My psychiatrist arranged for me attend another week of all day classes that at least would get me outta the house and onto a schedule of "doing". I attended with a new attitude. I began not to resent the stress, confusion and time required to use the bus. I couldn't believe this simple attitude of gratitude DID work "miracles" for how I perceived my life.
But it took continual hard work of doing exactly what I didn't want to have to do (such as affirmations that do work with me) to make sure my attitude didn't turn towards self pity again. My children had their separate lives and I knew I HAD to do my best as an example that it can be done ~ BY ME.
Then one day, about 2 yrs later, I knew I had to stay put, exactly where I was, until I knew, in my gut, I was moving again to a place or situation ONLY when or where I'd be "shown" (through circumstances outside my control) where to put MeE for the highest good for all concerned. I HAD to feel the strength of gratitude for what I did have. The essentials for my survival were taken care of and I HAD to learn to give of myself, be myself, live without fear of judgment of any kind, and to see the good surrounding me.
I stuck with it. I made progress. On my 53rd birthday I actually left my home dressed how I felt most comfortable, in a sarong and barefeet. At first I felt very uncomfortable that people were judging me as a "show off"; and I know that comes from my childhood. I literally kept my head high and knew no one cared and IF they did, it didn't matter to my life. I went on a walk near my home that I never did because I resisted I lived in the city and I couldn't "be me" there. Bullshit.
There was nature right in front of me if I stuck to the edge overlooking the ocean (I live across the street from a large public park area where I could have walked in the many months past). I could be me: an outdoor nature lover that can see and hear birds or maybe see a critter, hear the wind, see the clouds . . My tiny world opened to me as I slowly became more and more comfortable with myself. Because of my abilities, I still remained very close to home because I could get back in one piece.
A couple years more and I was certain I wouldn't move again until I "knew" it was the right thing because I'd been shown by the circumstances surrounding the life I live with gratitude for what is. And here I am today.
I have greater awareness and acceptance. I have come to know this power of something greater than me alone, because it comes from within within me in an energy that can't be explained. But only realized once we surrender our WILL of how we want our lives to be in conjunction with our very nature to survive.
Well I'm a bit overwhelmed right now and I must say fare well and a hui ho, LL
I spent a VERY angry three weeks in another confined psych ward. I was SO angry, my doctor knew she couldn't keep me there, but she was concerned for my well being out alone. The afternoon I was released a friend, I knew from volunteering at another soup kitchen, extended her love to pick me up, drive me for my meds and take me home. I became SO angry over the "screw-up" with the pharmacy and whatever that I practically just screamed, "take me home". It was hours later when I had to walk thru a raging snowstorm, in the black of night, back to the pharmacy and home again.
Once back in the house, and ironically it was New Years Eve, I lay on my couch in the warm ambiance of my home, and felt incredible sorrow for all I done to cause pain to those I loved. I thought of my life in Hawaii and the man I left to suffer the pain of my choices. I asked for forgiveness and a very tiny tear actually slid down my cheek for the first time in decades.
Somehow, I felt renewed the next day. My daughter cautioned me not to expect the feelings to remain. She knew it was gonna be hard work (determination) to "stay the course".
My psychiatrist arranged for me attend another week of all day classes that at least would get me outta the house and onto a schedule of "doing". I attended with a new attitude. I began not to resent the stress, confusion and time required to use the bus. I couldn't believe this simple attitude of gratitude DID work "miracles" for how I perceived my life.
But it took continual hard work of doing exactly what I didn't want to have to do (such as affirmations that do work with me) to make sure my attitude didn't turn towards self pity again. My children had their separate lives and I knew I HAD to do my best as an example that it can be done ~ BY ME.
Then one day, about 2 yrs later, I knew I had to stay put, exactly where I was, until I knew, in my gut, I was moving again to a place or situation ONLY when or where I'd be "shown" (through circumstances outside my control) where to put MeE for the highest good for all concerned. I HAD to feel the strength of gratitude for what I did have. The essentials for my survival were taken care of and I HAD to learn to give of myself, be myself, live without fear of judgment of any kind, and to see the good surrounding me.
I stuck with it. I made progress. On my 53rd birthday I actually left my home dressed how I felt most comfortable, in a sarong and barefeet. At first I felt very uncomfortable that people were judging me as a "show off"; and I know that comes from my childhood. I literally kept my head high and knew no one cared and IF they did, it didn't matter to my life. I went on a walk near my home that I never did because I resisted I lived in the city and I couldn't "be me" there. Bullshit.
There was nature right in front of me if I stuck to the edge overlooking the ocean (I live across the street from a large public park area where I could have walked in the many months past). I could be me: an outdoor nature lover that can see and hear birds or maybe see a critter, hear the wind, see the clouds . . My tiny world opened to me as I slowly became more and more comfortable with myself. Because of my abilities, I still remained very close to home because I could get back in one piece.
A couple years more and I was certain I wouldn't move again until I "knew" it was the right thing because I'd been shown by the circumstances surrounding the life I live with gratitude for what is. And here I am today.
I have greater awareness and acceptance. I have come to know this power of something greater than me alone, because it comes from within within me in an energy that can't be explained. But only realized once we surrender our WILL of how we want our lives to be in conjunction with our very nature to survive.
Well I'm a bit overwhelmed right now and I must say fare well and a hui ho, LL
Saturday, September 8, 2012
I must start somewhere ~
Friday, June 13th, 2008 was the day I couldn't continue to face the life I was living; I felt total helplessness; although that was not logical. Perhaps it is a form of surrendering, yet we take our "will" into our own hands and attempt to end it ourselves. Many succeed and I can't fathom why some do and some don't.
I did think about it ~ seriously. The day before I'd started to write a letter to my kids. It turned into twelve pages and I basically threw up my hands in disgust. I'd gone as far as to lay on the shed floor with a bread knife (being the only sharp knife I had) over my veins poised to just do it, but I couldn't.
Days earlier, when talking with my mom to tell her what I was feeling (again), my son called and I even said to my mom it musta been a sign not to kill myself. She certainly agreed, said to get to a doctor bla bla. I did.
Friday morning I woke with the same old feeling of dread. Somehow being Friday the 13th, and my birthday being next Friday, it being Aloha Friday, the whole bit, it seemed auspicious somehow, I had a strong bottle of anti-depressants (and I remember the doc asking if I'd do anything stupid bla bla), I had a six-pack of beers, I had the bread knife and I certainly had the gall. To hear myself saying this now, I sound like I was a selfish, arrogant human being. I'm thankful for the chance to live further to amend my ways that I was completely blind to. I was a good person, but I hated what my life had turned into. Too long of a story, which is really irrelevant in the bigger picture anyway.
The bottom line is that the moment I opened my eyes I decided this was the day. I certainly didn't want to be another story like the two women who lived in the apartments above mine, who each had multiple attempts to end their miserable lives. Ironic I'd be living exactly where I was at that exact moment in my life, I made sure I had backup plans ~ electrocution in the tub after I swallow the bottle of pills and wash it down with a pitcher of beer, then slice those big veins running in the crook of my arm.
I fill the tub, get in dressed, take the pills, pick up the knife, hesitate and think, 'Well ya already swallowed all the pills", and slash, slash, slash. Lots of blood, breathing hard and fast, heart pounding, no thought of anything other than dieing. I drop the electrical line connected to the bathroom wall, sizzle, buzz, nothing other than that.
A bit later I know I heaved one humungous time and everything in my stomach came up. I painfully rubbed my veins to burst the tiny speck of a spray of blood that seemed to be coagulating. I was light headed, in pain both physically and already emotionally dead inside. The tub was now dark with blood and feces.
Nothing was working and I was cold. Somehow I managed to painfully drain the tub, rinse off (even the shower walls, for my brother's sake) and refill the tub. There was all kinds of crap hanging out of the deep wounds on both arms, but I was determined to die. I made many failed attempts to inhale water, as much as I believed I wanted to. I was desperate to end the pain of my life.
Today, I need to admit to the most incredibly thoughtless, horrible, stupid, absolute lack of any faith or hope type scenario I created. Suicide. I believed my life would never be anything other than loneliness, helplessness, or utter unhappiness. I never gave a thought to the ones left behind. I never considered any of it. I was unable to.
Friday night, my brother felt I should let my daughter know; not him, but he'd call her to call me.
Oh my "God", I told her I tried to kill myself and her instant reaction was to cry. I couldn't believe it. Why couldn't I believe it? I don't know, or I didn't then, but I do now ~ she felt such sorrow I could have felt so desperate and she truly loved me.
My son, my daughter and my son-too (her husband) organized their lives and dropped everything for ME. There was no hesitation; although it was a major financial burden and loss of time at their work. Within two or three days they were all with me in the psych ward in Maryland and planned to stay with my brother for several days. They were there a week.
It wasn't my time yet in 1989 when my two young children, almost 4 & 6 at the time, literally saved my life by having the where-with-all to go for help and leave their unresponsive mother, by getting through the only exit in a bent & bashed up car (a small hole in the rear window), my son remembering a house on his kindergarten school bus root, getting out of the woods and getting help. By the time the ambulance arrived, I was not breathing.
This time in 2008, just by this incredible action of unconditional love and sheer determination (all 3 young adults dropped everything in their lives as they knew it) my life began again. My son had flown and driven many hours from Florida and my daughter & husband drove over ten ours from Maine.
They came to see me (I literally hadn't seen my son face-to-face in a few years), we all connected wonderfully considering, they planned to packed my apartment, rent a truck, knowing they assumed all financial responsibility and I returned to Maine to live with my daughter & husband). My son bought me a device for us to do live video chatting (the inexpensive way) to reconnect our lives by at least seeing each other with technology today. The next best thing.
My life slowly continued to change in unexpected ways. It took several more painful years, but my stubborn ass refused to change patterns of total unawareness to reality. But many of us don't begin to get it until we hit rock bottom more than once and it comes to die or live with unconditional love for our Selves with no anger! And our selves also houses (in our earthly bodies) a power to unfathomably and brilliantly able to organize the opportunities or coincidences for experiences, direct us often with "signs" of the truth IF we are aware with all the "magic of a God". It's a mystery to me I don't need explained scientifically or proven with a burning bush as my cousin said in her reaction to "Peter's Story". JJ writes a powerful blog herself and it's fantastic where we're each taking our awareness on life and healing. Her blog is http://checkingmymotives.blogspot.com And if that don't run to a live link I'm sorry. I don't understand why.
Time to end this. I can't believe that I just wrote this "in public" so to speak. But it's obviously necessary for my evolution. I'm sure things are written exactly as one believes. But I've found I can spend hours on hours worrying about it and editing till I'm frustrated with myself.
So again, I say fare well and a hui ho, LL
I did think about it ~ seriously. The day before I'd started to write a letter to my kids. It turned into twelve pages and I basically threw up my hands in disgust. I'd gone as far as to lay on the shed floor with a bread knife (being the only sharp knife I had) over my veins poised to just do it, but I couldn't.
Days earlier, when talking with my mom to tell her what I was feeling (again), my son called and I even said to my mom it musta been a sign not to kill myself. She certainly agreed, said to get to a doctor bla bla. I did.
Friday morning I woke with the same old feeling of dread. Somehow being Friday the 13th, and my birthday being next Friday, it being Aloha Friday, the whole bit, it seemed auspicious somehow, I had a strong bottle of anti-depressants (and I remember the doc asking if I'd do anything stupid bla bla), I had a six-pack of beers, I had the bread knife and I certainly had the gall. To hear myself saying this now, I sound like I was a selfish, arrogant human being. I'm thankful for the chance to live further to amend my ways that I was completely blind to. I was a good person, but I hated what my life had turned into. Too long of a story, which is really irrelevant in the bigger picture anyway.
The bottom line is that the moment I opened my eyes I decided this was the day. I certainly didn't want to be another story like the two women who lived in the apartments above mine, who each had multiple attempts to end their miserable lives. Ironic I'd be living exactly where I was at that exact moment in my life, I made sure I had backup plans ~ electrocution in the tub after I swallow the bottle of pills and wash it down with a pitcher of beer, then slice those big veins running in the crook of my arm.
I fill the tub, get in dressed, take the pills, pick up the knife, hesitate and think, 'Well ya already swallowed all the pills", and slash, slash, slash. Lots of blood, breathing hard and fast, heart pounding, no thought of anything other than dieing. I drop the electrical line connected to the bathroom wall, sizzle, buzz, nothing other than that.
A bit later I know I heaved one humungous time and everything in my stomach came up. I painfully rubbed my veins to burst the tiny speck of a spray of blood that seemed to be coagulating. I was light headed, in pain both physically and already emotionally dead inside. The tub was now dark with blood and feces.
Nothing was working and I was cold. Somehow I managed to painfully drain the tub, rinse off (even the shower walls, for my brother's sake) and refill the tub. There was all kinds of crap hanging out of the deep wounds on both arms, but I was determined to die. I made many failed attempts to inhale water, as much as I believed I wanted to. I was desperate to end the pain of my life.
Today, I need to admit to the most incredibly thoughtless, horrible, stupid, absolute lack of any faith or hope type scenario I created. Suicide. I believed my life would never be anything other than loneliness, helplessness, or utter unhappiness. I never gave a thought to the ones left behind. I never considered any of it. I was unable to.
Friday night, my brother felt I should let my daughter know; not him, but he'd call her to call me.
Oh my "God", I told her I tried to kill myself and her instant reaction was to cry. I couldn't believe it. Why couldn't I believe it? I don't know, or I didn't then, but I do now ~ she felt such sorrow I could have felt so desperate and she truly loved me.
My son, my daughter and my son-too (her husband) organized their lives and dropped everything for ME. There was no hesitation; although it was a major financial burden and loss of time at their work. Within two or three days they were all with me in the psych ward in Maryland and planned to stay with my brother for several days. They were there a week.
It wasn't my time yet in 1989 when my two young children, almost 4 & 6 at the time, literally saved my life by having the where-with-all to go for help and leave their unresponsive mother, by getting through the only exit in a bent & bashed up car (a small hole in the rear window), my son remembering a house on his kindergarten school bus root, getting out of the woods and getting help. By the time the ambulance arrived, I was not breathing.
This time in 2008, just by this incredible action of unconditional love and sheer determination (all 3 young adults dropped everything in their lives as they knew it) my life began again. My son had flown and driven many hours from Florida and my daughter & husband drove over ten ours from Maine.
They came to see me (I literally hadn't seen my son face-to-face in a few years), we all connected wonderfully considering, they planned to packed my apartment, rent a truck, knowing they assumed all financial responsibility and I returned to Maine to live with my daughter & husband). My son bought me a device for us to do live video chatting (the inexpensive way) to reconnect our lives by at least seeing each other with technology today. The next best thing.
My life slowly continued to change in unexpected ways. It took several more painful years, but my stubborn ass refused to change patterns of total unawareness to reality. But many of us don't begin to get it until we hit rock bottom more than once and it comes to die or live with unconditional love for our Selves with no anger! And our selves also houses (in our earthly bodies) a power to unfathomably and brilliantly able to organize the opportunities or coincidences for experiences, direct us often with "signs" of the truth IF we are aware with all the "magic of a God". It's a mystery to me I don't need explained scientifically or proven with a burning bush as my cousin said in her reaction to "Peter's Story". JJ writes a powerful blog herself and it's fantastic where we're each taking our awareness on life and healing. Her blog is http://checkingmymotives.blogspot.com And if that don't run to a live link I'm sorry. I don't understand why.
Time to end this. I can't believe that I just wrote this "in public" so to speak. But it's obviously necessary for my evolution. I'm sure things are written exactly as one believes. But I've found I can spend hours on hours worrying about it and editing till I'm frustrated with myself.
So again, I say fare well and a hui ho, LL
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Being humble is most important ~
I instantly took a deep breathe. I've been "processing" (in my silence alone with "Mee") as my awareness deepens into the mechanics of our lives. Yesterday, I spent a couple wonderful hours walking to a place to talk in comfort and even have a cup of coffee before a free meal. It was all so perfect.
Peter (the young man who lost his entire family in an instant 18 months earlier) took me to a church that does a lunch one afternoon a week and dinner one nite a week. It was such a wonderful experience with table cloths, flowers, 3 pieces of utensils on a napkin, condiments, and we each went up to be served an incredible spread, drinks and just a very pleasant atmosphere. I saw mostly new faces. It was deeper into town and yesterday was half empty, I guess the rain.
It was quite a good thing I'd arrived at "my" soup kitchen 10 minutes before I knew they served and this gentleman, Peter, was readying to leave because he chose to eat further into town.
My point being I could have missed running into Peter if I hadn't had a strong intention to meet up with him. And it had started to rain and it wasn't expected, but I was dressed either way.
I want to give you the details I have, and I know I can't do it now, and I'm a bit frustrated. But if I'm to go with the flow of my life, I can't let this upset me and I'll just keep on.
My daughter just called and we were able to talk a good twenty minutes, and I spoke with my 92 y.o. friend, Rosemary about today. I've got so much to accomplish before I can spend any more time writing.
And the barn has to wait another week. To be con't . .
I'm gonna jump right in. The finer details I couldn't give before are these. Peter had stayed home in Massachusetts while his wife, and two daughters, around the age of 8 had gone to Texas for a holiday and to visit, I believe part of her family. Peter was actually blessed to have had a wonderful exchange of loving conversation with each one of them on the phone just after they'd visited some "sea-world" show. He was genuinely calm and totally present in conversation with me when he shared this information, yet I did see his eyes coated with tears.
Only a short time later while he was in the backyard the phone rang. He was told they'd all been killed. I will give you what I can remember about Peter before this life-changing call. Peter was raised with the Christian beliefs about "God". He was a good man with a good family, with financial means as was his wife's family. They had an "opulent" (remember it's all relative) home, worked hard, loved each other to the fullest and they were "happy".
As I'd said, Peter went off the deep end and couldn't swim. Funny, he told me he felt like he was drowning, and that must have been what I remembered the first time I tried to relate his story.
He said he lost all FAITH. He was very angry with "God", he couldn't make sense of WHY this could happen to them all.
I'm still confused on the exact sequence of events, and I reviewed the bits and pieces I was able to write down as he told me. All I know for certain is that he completely dropped from life. He didn't speak to anyone (including his family), he quit a job he'd had for 17 years, withdrew his money and took off. He was so consumed with sorrow and anger he couldn't have done anything differently.
Yet somewhere in this incredible story, obviously before he took off, he continued to work on his girls clubhouse he had been working on when the call came. He'd been doing electrical work and for whatever reason all the circuits had been open. The bottom line is the house completely burned down. An arson investigation cleared him of any wrong doing. He'd also told me he now knows he'll be receiving $5,000,000 from insurance. I sensed his bewilderment as he spoke in earnest. No need to write all that.
He told me his paternal grandmother was full blooded Cherokee medicine woman. That alone speaks volumes, to me at least, about the incredible "blood" running through his body system. "Medicine men" are on of the highest regarded members of a tribe. They possess awesome abilities passed on from their elders. But that's the tip of the iceberg when talking of life.
His mother-in-law, who was able to recover from her own daughter, and two grandaughters' deaths quicker and most. Yes, she retained her faith. Anyway, she'd told Peter he was behaving irresponsibly to quit work, shut off his family completely, bla bla. Boy would I love to "interview" her for a clearer awareness how faith plays such a powerful role in guiding us to maintain hope for even the absolute worst of life's experiences.
Somewhere in all this Peter made a very serious attempt to end his life. He chose an isolated field area by a highway where no one could see him or stop him from jumping in front of a tractor-trailer going 70-80 mph. He did, and he reamembers the horn on the truck blarring as it was right on top of him.
This sounds like the "hokus-pocus" one hears in church, but Peter clearly remembers someone grabbed him by the nape of his neck, yanking him clear of the truck and saying, "It's not your time to die.", and they disappeared from awareness by the time he looked up.
I told this to my unbelieving daughter and she questioned how he could have done that to the tractor trailer driver (who could have been killed). Only after I hung up the phone did I realize I should have told her that a person's mental capabilities are devoid of those kinds of thoughts, so don't think about it.
Her reaction to me was, "You know I don't believe that stuff (the something that pulled Peter out of the way and what he was told). I know "this" is a part of my purpose on earth now; to open minds to the possibility of a power greater than us alone.
I'm certain "it" does intervene when our spirit knows so deep down that it's got more to learn and wants to continue. And even more unfathomable is how does our life affect the learning in others' life's purpose. Of course I believe, now, our spirits do not die ~ but that is hardly fathomable enough That's the truth I'm left with after piecing together the major events in 56 years of my life; there could be no other explanation. Thirty-three years of my life passed with the understanding that it was all hocus-pocus beliefs, and I didn't posess a questioning spirit, although I had a strong personality.
Peter told me he's still trying to realize how any of his tale could have happened just as it was meant to for higher awareness (or good) for all involved. I know his traveling will reveal these answers in time, and with even a mustard seed of faith, in some unknown loving source of unfathomable brilliance, will our sorrow turn into living life to the fullest again.
This post has brought me to a time when I am ready to speak about something that happened with me in June of 2008. It's going to take tremendous courage on my part to speak the truth because I was completely humbled by my own blatant loss of faith.
But that's for another day, and I've got to ready for my "work" at our local soup kitchen, so no time to check over.
Fare well and a hui ho,LL
Peter (the young man who lost his entire family in an instant 18 months earlier) took me to a church that does a lunch one afternoon a week and dinner one nite a week. It was such a wonderful experience with table cloths, flowers, 3 pieces of utensils on a napkin, condiments, and we each went up to be served an incredible spread, drinks and just a very pleasant atmosphere. I saw mostly new faces. It was deeper into town and yesterday was half empty, I guess the rain.
It was quite a good thing I'd arrived at "my" soup kitchen 10 minutes before I knew they served and this gentleman, Peter, was readying to leave because he chose to eat further into town.
My point being I could have missed running into Peter if I hadn't had a strong intention to meet up with him. And it had started to rain and it wasn't expected, but I was dressed either way.
I want to give you the details I have, and I know I can't do it now, and I'm a bit frustrated. But if I'm to go with the flow of my life, I can't let this upset me and I'll just keep on.
My daughter just called and we were able to talk a good twenty minutes, and I spoke with my 92 y.o. friend, Rosemary about today. I've got so much to accomplish before I can spend any more time writing.
And the barn has to wait another week. To be con't . .
I'm gonna jump right in. The finer details I couldn't give before are these. Peter had stayed home in Massachusetts while his wife, and two daughters, around the age of 8 had gone to Texas for a holiday and to visit, I believe part of her family. Peter was actually blessed to have had a wonderful exchange of loving conversation with each one of them on the phone just after they'd visited some "sea-world" show. He was genuinely calm and totally present in conversation with me when he shared this information, yet I did see his eyes coated with tears.
Only a short time later while he was in the backyard the phone rang. He was told they'd all been killed. I will give you what I can remember about Peter before this life-changing call. Peter was raised with the Christian beliefs about "God". He was a good man with a good family, with financial means as was his wife's family. They had an "opulent" (remember it's all relative) home, worked hard, loved each other to the fullest and they were "happy".
As I'd said, Peter went off the deep end and couldn't swim. Funny, he told me he felt like he was drowning, and that must have been what I remembered the first time I tried to relate his story.
He said he lost all FAITH. He was very angry with "God", he couldn't make sense of WHY this could happen to them all.
I'm still confused on the exact sequence of events, and I reviewed the bits and pieces I was able to write down as he told me. All I know for certain is that he completely dropped from life. He didn't speak to anyone (including his family), he quit a job he'd had for 17 years, withdrew his money and took off. He was so consumed with sorrow and anger he couldn't have done anything differently.
Yet somewhere in this incredible story, obviously before he took off, he continued to work on his girls clubhouse he had been working on when the call came. He'd been doing electrical work and for whatever reason all the circuits had been open. The bottom line is the house completely burned down. An arson investigation cleared him of any wrong doing. He'd also told me he now knows he'll be receiving $5,000,000 from insurance. I sensed his bewilderment as he spoke in earnest. No need to write all that.
He told me his paternal grandmother was full blooded Cherokee medicine woman. That alone speaks volumes, to me at least, about the incredible "blood" running through his body system. "Medicine men" are on of the highest regarded members of a tribe. They possess awesome abilities passed on from their elders. But that's the tip of the iceberg when talking of life.
His mother-in-law, who was able to recover from her own daughter, and two grandaughters' deaths quicker and most. Yes, she retained her faith. Anyway, she'd told Peter he was behaving irresponsibly to quit work, shut off his family completely, bla bla. Boy would I love to "interview" her for a clearer awareness how faith plays such a powerful role in guiding us to maintain hope for even the absolute worst of life's experiences.
Somewhere in all this Peter made a very serious attempt to end his life. He chose an isolated field area by a highway where no one could see him or stop him from jumping in front of a tractor-trailer going 70-80 mph. He did, and he reamembers the horn on the truck blarring as it was right on top of him.
This sounds like the "hokus-pocus" one hears in church, but Peter clearly remembers someone grabbed him by the nape of his neck, yanking him clear of the truck and saying, "It's not your time to die.", and they disappeared from awareness by the time he looked up.
I told this to my unbelieving daughter and she questioned how he could have done that to the tractor trailer driver (who could have been killed). Only after I hung up the phone did I realize I should have told her that a person's mental capabilities are devoid of those kinds of thoughts, so don't think about it.
Her reaction to me was, "You know I don't believe that stuff (the something that pulled Peter out of the way and what he was told). I know "this" is a part of my purpose on earth now; to open minds to the possibility of a power greater than us alone.
I'm certain "it" does intervene when our spirit knows so deep down that it's got more to learn and wants to continue. And even more unfathomable is how does our life affect the learning in others' life's purpose. Of course I believe, now, our spirits do not die ~ but that is hardly fathomable enough That's the truth I'm left with after piecing together the major events in 56 years of my life; there could be no other explanation. Thirty-three years of my life passed with the understanding that it was all hocus-pocus beliefs, and I didn't posess a questioning spirit, although I had a strong personality.
Peter told me he's still trying to realize how any of his tale could have happened just as it was meant to for higher awareness (or good) for all involved. I know his traveling will reveal these answers in time, and with even a mustard seed of faith, in some unknown loving source of unfathomable brilliance, will our sorrow turn into living life to the fullest again.
This post has brought me to a time when I am ready to speak about something that happened with me in June of 2008. It's going to take tremendous courage on my part to speak the truth because I was completely humbled by my own blatant loss of faith.
But that's for another day, and I've got to ready for my "work" at our local soup kitchen, so no time to check over.
Fare well and a hui ho,LL
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Life running away ~
I just spent my time writing to the JJ of LLJJBB, and I'm feeling grounded enough to keep writing. But I have set my timer, so I'll stay focused.
I'm telling myself "Whoa Buckshot", because it's a reminder to slow down. That statement is intertwined with my personal life on a grander scale of the happiness and peace I'm determined to maintain. "Slow down Buckshot" is now a representation of the spiritual half of me (my nature) that's searched for a mate that compliments my spirit.
The most important things to me are family, dear friends and my relationship with my self in awareness of " my life" . And when my mate started saying "Slow down Buckshot" to me, it put me onto new awareness into me that I'm trying to apply to my life.
I'm presently facing the fact I am already with myself when I'm with "him", but honestly I can't tolerate the self abuse with smoking with COPD, asthma, a weaker body system due to lifelong abuse. And I thank goodness it's not alcohol or drugs and hasn't been for 16+ or so years. Tobacco use is such an addiction it's a nightmare for folks all consumed with it.
So where am I supposed to look within me to find what it is I'm resisting about modifying in myself? I don't smoke tobacco, I drink socially, I abuse coffee, and yes, I'm knowing I must be abusing something.
Will my questions and unease unfold in peace when I can do my part? All I see is me doing this, me doing that, and me doing it all alone, and I'm always SO busy and accomplishing, and it bringing me nothing but peace and joy in securing the only future I can see right now.
I've gotten off track somewhere and I see I've just over a minute before the timer sounds. I gotta get ready to begin my day. My daughter just called with an awesome idea for my mom's 80th birthday, so I gotta start thinkin'.
There's the timer. Fare well and a hui ho, LL
I'm telling myself "Whoa Buckshot", because it's a reminder to slow down. That statement is intertwined with my personal life on a grander scale of the happiness and peace I'm determined to maintain. "Slow down Buckshot" is now a representation of the spiritual half of me (my nature) that's searched for a mate that compliments my spirit.
The most important things to me are family, dear friends and my relationship with my self in awareness of " my life" . And when my mate started saying "Slow down Buckshot" to me, it put me onto new awareness into me that I'm trying to apply to my life.
I'm presently facing the fact I am already with myself when I'm with "him", but honestly I can't tolerate the self abuse with smoking with COPD, asthma, a weaker body system due to lifelong abuse. And I thank goodness it's not alcohol or drugs and hasn't been for 16+ or so years. Tobacco use is such an addiction it's a nightmare for folks all consumed with it.
So where am I supposed to look within me to find what it is I'm resisting about modifying in myself? I don't smoke tobacco, I drink socially, I abuse coffee, and yes, I'm knowing I must be abusing something.
Will my questions and unease unfold in peace when I can do my part? All I see is me doing this, me doing that, and me doing it all alone, and I'm always SO busy and accomplishing, and it bringing me nothing but peace and joy in securing the only future I can see right now.
I've gotten off track somewhere and I see I've just over a minute before the timer sounds. I gotta get ready to begin my day. My daughter just called with an awesome idea for my mom's 80th birthday, so I gotta start thinkin'.
There's the timer. Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Friday, August 31, 2012
Spreading myself too thin ~
I was thinking of the fact I've been unable to write here, and how that's okay bla bla.
I thought of what's making me feel unable to write, since nothing has basically changed. Then I realized how my experiences with others and what their realities are is happening with me on a subconscious level ~ we're stressing because "we" (each relative and individual group in our sphere of influence) are seeing and hearing the big pinch (droughts, gas prices, food, animal feed such as hay . .). Seeing no way to avoid the sacrifices and priorities we'll be forced to choose between ~ this does rattle ones' spirit.
My advice seems cheep, but it's the only thing that's gonna get you through if ya don't believe there's a power greater than any of us here on an individual level. And that is to just keep breathing deeper (because you've got to be conscious of it too), stay level headed like the young man I last wrote about, realize your priorities, unconditional love at the least, and it'll probably get ya through.
But if ya want strength in numbers, so to speak, have FAITH. This was learned by me over the last 23 years. There is something unfathomably brilliant that organizes the mechanics of what goes on ~ on a scale so infinite. I'm not going to blow my mind trying to intellectualize it. I'm following my heart. I can only do what I ("me", the individual like none other) can do! That's it folks. If you're driven to do more than someone else, then just do it, be grateful you can, do everything for the better of everything. What goes around comes around somehow. Sometimes we see it and that's cool. Other times it's a mystery, but it always works out somehow that something'll come around either way.
Gee, now, ain't that a mystery ~ I'm being sarcastic and I know sarcasm never helps. Hey, but I write like me. The day (23+ years ago) that I was forced (by my life literally being saved by my 3 & 5 year old kids after a severe motor accident) to finally have an open mind to the possibility of a power greater than I could comprehend.
Yesterday I realized I too needed to "regroup my self" for what's ahead. People, we've got to start having FAITH, because we're not here to worry about our survival. We just start taking baby steps, deeper breaths, it's okay to need to focus on thoughts knowing you're doing all you can, life's gonna force us to realize priorities, letting go of OUR "patterns" (as simple as keeping plants, things alive for whatever our reasons) and finding out that yes, just that attitude change, enabled us to "see" deeper and it's all okay. So I'd say I'm basically surrendering my will to have fear, hold onto priorities or friends or whatever that can be let go of, know we're doing our best because we can, and live the reality with faith how things always work out. If it ain't in our lifetime, so be it. At least I'll know where my heart is.
~ Surrendering our fears, worries, uncertainties of the government, our world, health to a degree, bla bla is critical ~ because we alone can't change these things. It's too unfathomable for our minds. Yet amazingly our deepest heart is US at the core and it's got abilities the human mind has basically infantile knowledge about.
Well I got a busy, strenuous 6+ hours ahead of me today. It's the 31st day this month, so more folks will be in to eat at a church's generous and most gracious serving of hot food' take out bag lunch and cloths to choose from on Friday. And I wash dishes and be a "go-fer" for the great folks I volunteer with. And not everyone is over 60 or even 20 or 20 for that matter, which is a breath of fresh air to see.
Hey, and it's a "blue moon" this evening. The second full moon rises when our sun sets this evening, so it's called a blue moon. It happens every 3 or 4 years. But I guess we wouldn't know if someone hadn't created calendars. And calendars, timers, sticky notes, 1 physical notebook instead of 30+ notes all over frying my mind with all there is to do, hooks for everything important bla bla are the essentials to keep my survival flowing with peace (starting inner and becoming more and more outer as awareness into our life's mechanics opens our heart wider and wider).
Man, I'm soundin' like some preacher. Yea, I'm outstanding in my own field. That's the joke, outstanding is one word not two. Oh my goodness, I just realized, like Mee, that the feelings behind knowing outstanding basically means superior or excellent (this unfathomable power to work the mechanics of life, let alone create it) versus a person like a farmer out alone creating whatever in his field.
Anyway, time to move one. Fare well and a hui ho, LL
I thought of what's making me feel unable to write, since nothing has basically changed. Then I realized how my experiences with others and what their realities are is happening with me on a subconscious level ~ we're stressing because "we" (each relative and individual group in our sphere of influence) are seeing and hearing the big pinch (droughts, gas prices, food, animal feed such as hay . .). Seeing no way to avoid the sacrifices and priorities we'll be forced to choose between ~ this does rattle ones' spirit.
My advice seems cheep, but it's the only thing that's gonna get you through if ya don't believe there's a power greater than any of us here on an individual level. And that is to just keep breathing deeper (because you've got to be conscious of it too), stay level headed like the young man I last wrote about, realize your priorities, unconditional love at the least, and it'll probably get ya through.
But if ya want strength in numbers, so to speak, have FAITH. This was learned by me over the last 23 years. There is something unfathomably brilliant that organizes the mechanics of what goes on ~ on a scale so infinite. I'm not going to blow my mind trying to intellectualize it. I'm following my heart. I can only do what I ("me", the individual like none other) can do! That's it folks. If you're driven to do more than someone else, then just do it, be grateful you can, do everything for the better of everything. What goes around comes around somehow. Sometimes we see it and that's cool. Other times it's a mystery, but it always works out somehow that something'll come around either way.
Gee, now, ain't that a mystery ~ I'm being sarcastic and I know sarcasm never helps. Hey, but I write like me. The day (23+ years ago) that I was forced (by my life literally being saved by my 3 & 5 year old kids after a severe motor accident) to finally have an open mind to the possibility of a power greater than I could comprehend.
Yesterday I realized I too needed to "regroup my self" for what's ahead. People, we've got to start having FAITH, because we're not here to worry about our survival. We just start taking baby steps, deeper breaths, it's okay to need to focus on thoughts knowing you're doing all you can, life's gonna force us to realize priorities, letting go of OUR "patterns" (as simple as keeping plants, things alive for whatever our reasons) and finding out that yes, just that attitude change, enabled us to "see" deeper and it's all okay. So I'd say I'm basically surrendering my will to have fear, hold onto priorities or friends or whatever that can be let go of, know we're doing our best because we can, and live the reality with faith how things always work out. If it ain't in our lifetime, so be it. At least I'll know where my heart is.
~ Surrendering our fears, worries, uncertainties of the government, our world, health to a degree, bla bla is critical ~ because we alone can't change these things. It's too unfathomable for our minds. Yet amazingly our deepest heart is US at the core and it's got abilities the human mind has basically infantile knowledge about.
Well I got a busy, strenuous 6+ hours ahead of me today. It's the 31st day this month, so more folks will be in to eat at a church's generous and most gracious serving of hot food' take out bag lunch and cloths to choose from on Friday. And I wash dishes and be a "go-fer" for the great folks I volunteer with. And not everyone is over 60 or even 20 or 20 for that matter, which is a breath of fresh air to see.
Hey, and it's a "blue moon" this evening. The second full moon rises when our sun sets this evening, so it's called a blue moon. It happens every 3 or 4 years. But I guess we wouldn't know if someone hadn't created calendars. And calendars, timers, sticky notes, 1 physical notebook instead of 30+ notes all over frying my mind with all there is to do, hooks for everything important bla bla are the essentials to keep my survival flowing with peace (starting inner and becoming more and more outer as awareness into our life's mechanics opens our heart wider and wider).
Man, I'm soundin' like some preacher. Yea, I'm outstanding in my own field. That's the joke, outstanding is one word not two. Oh my goodness, I just realized, like Mee, that the feelings behind knowing outstanding basically means superior or excellent (this unfathomable power to work the mechanics of life, let alone create it) versus a person like a farmer out alone creating whatever in his field.
Anyway, time to move one. Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Friday, August 24, 2012
He was humbled ~
Yesterday, I met an astounding young man when my friend and I were having lunch at a table with 6 other folks from our area in the "city". My 92 year old friend likes to sit at this table, and when the man greeted her and there were still 2 empty chairs too ~ perfect ~
And just so you know, we were eating at one of our "cities" nicer soup kitchen's where I volunteer washing dishes and being a necessary "go-for" for 5-6 hours on Fridays ~ and eating there M-F is my friends' life's priority. She loves the people she meets and they love her. Most of the folks eating there have experienced a major humbling of some kind.
This younger man's presence was peaceful ~ to say the least. After talking a bit, I discovered that one ordinary day only 18 months earlier his childhood sweetheart, his heart, his world (since they were 8. everyone always knew they'd marry one day) was instantly killed along with their two small children in a car wreck.
He went over the deep end and couldn't swim. He immediately started on a journey of traveling in our lower 48 states. We didn't have time to get into anything other than he has zero idea what attracted him to consider any city in particular. He just went. Traveled again, and again. He had to. He went to do 8 places spread around the US. The same is true for how he ended up here.
He was very comfortable holding eye contact with me as he talked. He seemed completely balanced, calm, in control of himself 100%. Unfortunately, my friend and I were in a hurry to finish eating in time to get her to her appointment for a class on understanding her iPhone.
I have less than two weeks to actually sit and talk with him (Monday no barn, so yes Monday is my first attempt. I ran out to see him fast on Friday. We spoke very briefly as he survives and prepares to travel to TX. I have a strong desire to reconnect with this astonishing person.
~ I can hardly imagine the reality for him: He experienced such an extreme & excruciating loss of his heart and soul (she was his mate in the truest sense) and it's interesting how the extent of personal loss appears equivalent to our ability to handle the pain ~ I see now
To be con't. Must ready for helping with yard work
So as is again, fare well and a hui ho, LL
And just so you know, we were eating at one of our "cities" nicer soup kitchen's where I volunteer washing dishes and being a necessary "go-for" for 5-6 hours on Fridays ~ and eating there M-F is my friends' life's priority. She loves the people she meets and they love her. Most of the folks eating there have experienced a major humbling of some kind.
This younger man's presence was peaceful ~ to say the least. After talking a bit, I discovered that one ordinary day only 18 months earlier his childhood sweetheart, his heart, his world (since they were 8. everyone always knew they'd marry one day) was instantly killed along with their two small children in a car wreck.
He went over the deep end and couldn't swim. He immediately started on a journey of traveling in our lower 48 states. We didn't have time to get into anything other than he has zero idea what attracted him to consider any city in particular. He just went. Traveled again, and again. He had to. He went to do 8 places spread around the US. The same is true for how he ended up here.
He was very comfortable holding eye contact with me as he talked. He seemed completely balanced, calm, in control of himself 100%. Unfortunately, my friend and I were in a hurry to finish eating in time to get her to her appointment for a class on understanding her iPhone.
I have less than two weeks to actually sit and talk with him (Monday no barn, so yes Monday is my first attempt. I ran out to see him fast on Friday. We spoke very briefly as he survives and prepares to travel to TX. I have a strong desire to reconnect with this astonishing person.
~ I can hardly imagine the reality for him: He experienced such an extreme & excruciating loss of his heart and soul (she was his mate in the truest sense) and it's interesting how the extent of personal loss appears equivalent to our ability to handle the pain ~ I see now
To be con't. Must ready for helping with yard work
So as is again, fare well and a hui ho, LL
Monday, August 20, 2012
Being humbled is an experience ~
Being humbled should be a happy awakening. And if it's not; we're still learning the hard way. That's just the way it is. I guess when you can expect to stop being humbled is the day you no longer need an earth experience to continue on.
Hey, I don't know anything other than it all adds up for me.
Oh man, I breathe deep enough to sound like a horse, when I imagine the experiences of being humbled.
It's a warm and welcomed "Ah ha" moment when it happens. Someone or something has somehow placed a mirror right up to your face and "you realize the way you've been": no one has to tell you if ya feel it already and you're grateful for the "reminder". And you hopefully smile within and know you'll do your best to stay on the path of being that way for your nature.
My ego has been humbled to it's knees, the way I look, the way I dress, the posture I present to friends and family, the posture (my energy, my aura, my character, my "self", my story, my whatever) that I present to strangers is real from the core. There's not a lot that'll shake me.
There's a lot of us who have ta be humbled over and over cuz "our heads are thick". Me! I'm a prime example. Five years, at least, I acted like a blind, deaf, pig-headed woman. Oh my Goodness, I'm embarrassed ~ just like I was told I would be by the main character of my drama.
Being aware that you're even being humbled is a great place to be. When ya own your own "shit" (forgive the barn talk), you decide what to do about it. It's a simple as that. But it's choosing "the good path of awareness, ownership, humbleness, ever lasting self love and happiness over the darker, temporarily easier (yet usually containing pain somehow) path that you escape onto. And then guess what?
How long that lasts is up to you. Believe in the strength within you, YOUR higher self that's housed with an even more powerful strength (whatever ya want to call it) that shows the way so you must be AWARE! Aware, Open, Perceptive, Patient, I could keep going, but my timer has rung and I'll post this as is. No time to edit, but
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Hey, I don't know anything other than it all adds up for me.
Oh man, I breathe deep enough to sound like a horse, when I imagine the experiences of being humbled.
It's a warm and welcomed "Ah ha" moment when it happens. Someone or something has somehow placed a mirror right up to your face and "you realize the way you've been": no one has to tell you if ya feel it already and you're grateful for the "reminder". And you hopefully smile within and know you'll do your best to stay on the path of being that way for your nature.
My ego has been humbled to it's knees, the way I look, the way I dress, the posture I present to friends and family, the posture (my energy, my aura, my character, my "self", my story, my whatever) that I present to strangers is real from the core. There's not a lot that'll shake me.
There's a lot of us who have ta be humbled over and over cuz "our heads are thick". Me! I'm a prime example. Five years, at least, I acted like a blind, deaf, pig-headed woman. Oh my Goodness, I'm embarrassed ~ just like I was told I would be by the main character of my drama.
Being aware that you're even being humbled is a great place to be. When ya own your own "shit" (forgive the barn talk), you decide what to do about it. It's a simple as that. But it's choosing "the good path of awareness, ownership, humbleness, ever lasting self love and happiness over the darker, temporarily easier (yet usually containing pain somehow) path that you escape onto. And then guess what?
How long that lasts is up to you. Believe in the strength within you, YOUR higher self that's housed with an even more powerful strength (whatever ya want to call it) that shows the way so you must be AWARE! Aware, Open, Perceptive, Patient, I could keep going, but my timer has rung and I'll post this as is. No time to edit, but
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Thursday, August 16, 2012
I'll do this My way ~
Sensing things within our gut, our heart, in prayer, in our silent "self" (all the "same" to me) also continues to expand, duplicate, manifest until we're "seeing" more and more clearly in awareness of our-self and how we live our life. We see deeper and deeper or let's say our perspective is getting higher and we're seeing our "self" almost as if we're a character in a sit-com or movie ~
I want to clarify my understanding by saying that this higher perspective IS us, and I'm also trying to say that that the power greater than us is this same energy, yet unfathomably more brilliant and ethereal and together (our energy affecting our sphere of influence) we together create the lives we (self) live. Exactly as our life reflects everything we think and do.
Here's something I felt ever clever with. You know the saying "If the shoe fits . ."? Well, imagine you work in "Gods" shoe store (shoes in every imaginable "design" you'd ever see). A person _(fill in the blank)_ comes in "acting his/her part" in life and eventually you get around to sayin', "If the shoe fits wear it ~ God chose it."; and you continue, 'Hey don't shoot; I just work here."
Hey, hardest to even see is if that shoe fits you when someone else see's it first ~
In other words, when we face ourselves it can be hard to take, and when we do this we can see modifications or adjustments we can make to enable future life-experiences to pass more smoothly. All situations on the entire spectrum of extremes and in-between are for us to see our "self" clearer ~ and then guess what?
We choose again. How do we react, how do we respond with awareness, what we do next. Surrender YOUR will, just have zero push anywhere, go with the flow, and your life will show you the next step when you're even more open to awareness.
Imagine what it'll feel like to look in your own mirror with love to yourself because there are no victims.
My awareness has deepened to how much I yell at my"self" ~ literally ~ for stupid, nothing, not perfect acts, many are simply from just not being in the "now" moment, cuz my mind was elsewhere ~ so I'm workin' on takin' in a long breathe of air . . in the sense of self-love ~ and forgiving where ever I learned to pick constantly
My opinion is when we judge others we're really judging our "selves" and we need to see that. The bible says something like "As ye judge, so shall ye be judged" ~ yea by your "self" (this "higher power" that looks on "down" with clear awareness. And that's then delineated by some brilliance and power outside us alone that I don't know what to call it, but I do accept it like something to be respected. I question even how I can make sense of that. "Oh bother".
Keepin' our hearts working in tandem with our mind is a beautiful thing. To me that enables us to go in/on/with the smoothest flow we can make our our lives. We're working in tandom with the brilliance of the God-like force that knows what's ahead in all directions.
I'm not talking about our romantic hearts here unless specified. I could now write endlessly about my learnings in that area of my heart. Oh man, my "blind-side" was all in the original Raven Ravine ~ 100 hrs+ story ~ smile
It's a feeling of joy when you know you're "so aware" of the mechanics of our lives (how and why things happen "exactly" as they're meant to be, including every ounce of pain). You're goin' with this flow without drama created with others.
The "pure acceptance" of this unfathomable mechanics of all life is key to unlocking further awareness; as is forgiveness and all those other nasty little words to make us more humble ~
So it'll finally click and we'll get it; so we LEARN to see our lesson, so we can now start knowing why we're workin' on it ~ whatever "it" is for us. ~ See ~
Awareness IS curative ~
It's also the greatest mystery, the spirit, the force, the universe, God . . "organizing" (with and through coincidences, chance connections, timing) ~
(I don't see time in timing and I prefer time-ing). Crap to take that thought deeper ~ time with a sound of "ing" ~ the magic of "ing"; time is illusion if our spirits are in the "ing" ~ whoa LL
Time to go to the barn, and it is on/off pouring rain, and I'm gonna make it another wonderful experience of my heart. Geeze I'm getting to ethereal.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
I want to clarify my understanding by saying that this higher perspective IS us, and I'm also trying to say that that the power greater than us is this same energy, yet unfathomably more brilliant and ethereal and together (our energy affecting our sphere of influence) we together create the lives we (self) live. Exactly as our life reflects everything we think and do.
Here's something I felt ever clever with. You know the saying "If the shoe fits . ."? Well, imagine you work in "Gods" shoe store (shoes in every imaginable "design" you'd ever see). A person _(fill in the blank)_ comes in "acting his/her part" in life and eventually you get around to sayin', "If the shoe fits wear it ~ God chose it."; and you continue, 'Hey don't shoot; I just work here."
Hey, hardest to even see is if that shoe fits you when someone else see's it first ~
In other words, when we face ourselves it can be hard to take, and when we do this we can see modifications or adjustments we can make to enable future life-experiences to pass more smoothly. All situations on the entire spectrum of extremes and in-between are for us to see our "self" clearer ~ and then guess what?
We choose again. How do we react, how do we respond with awareness, what we do next. Surrender YOUR will, just have zero push anywhere, go with the flow, and your life will show you the next step when you're even more open to awareness.
Imagine what it'll feel like to look in your own mirror with love to yourself because there are no victims.
My awareness has deepened to how much I yell at my"self" ~ literally ~ for stupid, nothing, not perfect acts, many are simply from just not being in the "now" moment, cuz my mind was elsewhere ~ so I'm workin' on takin' in a long breathe of air . . in the sense of self-love ~ and forgiving where ever I learned to pick constantly
My opinion is when we judge others we're really judging our "selves" and we need to see that. The bible says something like "As ye judge, so shall ye be judged" ~ yea by your "self" (this "higher power" that looks on "down" with clear awareness. And that's then delineated by some brilliance and power outside us alone that I don't know what to call it, but I do accept it like something to be respected. I question even how I can make sense of that. "Oh bother".
Keepin' our hearts working in tandem with our mind is a beautiful thing. To me that enables us to go in/on/with the smoothest flow we can make our our lives. We're working in tandom with the brilliance of the God-like force that knows what's ahead in all directions.
I'm not talking about our romantic hearts here unless specified. I could now write endlessly about my learnings in that area of my heart. Oh man, my "blind-side" was all in the original Raven Ravine ~ 100 hrs+ story ~ smile
It's a feeling of joy when you know you're "so aware" of the mechanics of our lives (how and why things happen "exactly" as they're meant to be, including every ounce of pain). You're goin' with this flow without drama created with others.
The "pure acceptance" of this unfathomable mechanics of all life is key to unlocking further awareness; as is forgiveness and all those other nasty little words to make us more humble ~
So it'll finally click and we'll get it; so we LEARN to see our lesson, so we can now start knowing why we're workin' on it ~ whatever "it" is for us. ~ See ~
Awareness IS curative ~
It's also the greatest mystery, the spirit, the force, the universe, God . . "organizing" (with and through coincidences, chance connections, timing) ~
(I don't see time in timing and I prefer time-ing). Crap to take that thought deeper ~ time with a sound of "ing" ~ the magic of "ing"; time is illusion if our spirits are in the "ing" ~ whoa LL
Time to go to the barn, and it is on/off pouring rain, and I'm gonna make it another wonderful experience of my heart. Geeze I'm getting to ethereal.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Monday, August 13, 2012
~ JJLLBB, magic or coincidence? ~
~ (I think LLJJBB is easier to read, and I wanted to use it as it was) ~
Anyway, I can hardly contain my jubilation as I feel the awareness of what JJ did (innocently in her own way) just days ago.
She put her "JJ", with my "LL" and our "BB" together (email exchanges). I loved it instantly then, yet right "NOW" I feel the wisdom and magic of the "coincidences" that occurred in 2005 (that points to today and that's another 10 hr story I'll tell on request only ~
In brief, a sign with "JJ" was pointed out to me by my Brain Injury Case Manager for whatever the reasons were then. And the "BB" is literally the combination of our blood and our bond (me and JJ) ~ even that's a coincidence cuz blood and bond are also BB ~
Oh my Goodness, what to think ~ I'm smiling
I'm also knowing I want to call my daughter in 5 minutes, so this is short and sweet (thank you Goodness :)
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Anyway, I can hardly contain my jubilation as I feel the awareness of what JJ did (innocently in her own way) just days ago.
She put her "JJ", with my "LL" and our "BB" together (email exchanges). I loved it instantly then, yet right "NOW" I feel the wisdom and magic of the "coincidences" that occurred in 2005 (that points to today and that's another 10 hr story I'll tell on request only ~
In brief, a sign with "JJ" was pointed out to me by my Brain Injury Case Manager for whatever the reasons were then. And the "BB" is literally the combination of our blood and our bond (me and JJ) ~ even that's a coincidence cuz blood and bond are also BB ~
Oh my Goodness, what to think ~ I'm smiling
I'm also knowing I want to call my daughter in 5 minutes, so this is short and sweet (thank you Goodness :)
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Putting your finger on your nose ~
Brilliant, what a way to help us realize the moment of NOW. We waste precious moments that could end up adding up to major time in this life we have on negative mental states of worry, anger, pissed-off-ness, whatever . .
The finger on our nose is simply a way to transfer our thinking to be extremely conscious of the moment right "now". Right now ~ are you safe, are you okay, is anything terrible happening right at the moment of 'NOW"? Probably you wouldn't be thinking this or reading this if you were in one of these "damaging" states.
Tools help us get through the relearning to take control of our thinking and emotions. These tools, and there are many, are what help us stay on the path towards ever-lasting internal-peace, no matter what physical environment we find ourselves. No one has control over our minds, let's hope, because we've set our personal boundaries only to allow good into our sphere of influence so to speak.
Sphere of influence is anyone or anything within the "energy field" we create around us ~ it is just one of those laws of the mechanics of our lives. You shouldn't try to deny it as I'm sure you wouldn't deny the law of gravity. No one or anything has a right to control your heart or mind (which creates your sphere of influence).
If we feel powerless, it always helps to ground yourself in the moment, so put your finger on your nose the way JJ's sponsor helped her (http://checkingmymotives.blogspot.com/ )
I can read and reread my morning paper (http://checkingmymotives.blogspot.com/ ) and I'll always catch something I hadn't been conscious of before. That's also just the way it is ~ in most cases. Because you're actually a different person, or with different awareness the next time you read the same thing. I love rereading a wonderful book later in time, because I'll always get more from it, same as when I watch a movie. Interesting huh ~
So what would we do without tools to help us cope with the experiences in our lives? In my opinion, it's the wise, the strong, or the curious that use tools to have a different experience than they'd have without them. Again, using tools is just an option, and we make the choice to try it or not. But only you can decide to try a certain tool of not in the different scenarios we face.
Trust us, simply making the choice to try something only turns into power when we do our best to apply the use of that tool. Nothing is always 100% successful for everyone the first time, but it is up to us to try again if we really want to begin modifying our patterns of behavior.
Hey, in retrospect, I'm actually ashamed enough of my past patterns of stupid, unaware behaviors, but I'm forgiving myself daily as I know everything happens just as it should for us to continue to learn. And it's MY self-control that keeps me on the path of peace.
Well, I feel it's time to leave this "NOW" moment and get on with my busy life, for another "NOW" moment lineup.
Fare well and a hui ho, LLJJBB ~
The finger on our nose is simply a way to transfer our thinking to be extremely conscious of the moment right "now". Right now ~ are you safe, are you okay, is anything terrible happening right at the moment of 'NOW"? Probably you wouldn't be thinking this or reading this if you were in one of these "damaging" states.
Tools help us get through the relearning to take control of our thinking and emotions. These tools, and there are many, are what help us stay on the path towards ever-lasting internal-peace, no matter what physical environment we find ourselves. No one has control over our minds, let's hope, because we've set our personal boundaries only to allow good into our sphere of influence so to speak.
Sphere of influence is anyone or anything within the "energy field" we create around us ~ it is just one of those laws of the mechanics of our lives. You shouldn't try to deny it as I'm sure you wouldn't deny the law of gravity. No one or anything has a right to control your heart or mind (which creates your sphere of influence).
If we feel powerless, it always helps to ground yourself in the moment, so put your finger on your nose the way JJ's sponsor helped her (http://checkingmymotives.blogspot.com/ )
I can read and reread my morning paper (http://checkingmymotives.blogspot.com/ ) and I'll always catch something I hadn't been conscious of before. That's also just the way it is ~ in most cases. Because you're actually a different person, or with different awareness the next time you read the same thing. I love rereading a wonderful book later in time, because I'll always get more from it, same as when I watch a movie. Interesting huh ~
So what would we do without tools to help us cope with the experiences in our lives? In my opinion, it's the wise, the strong, or the curious that use tools to have a different experience than they'd have without them. Again, using tools is just an option, and we make the choice to try it or not. But only you can decide to try a certain tool of not in the different scenarios we face.
Trust us, simply making the choice to try something only turns into power when we do our best to apply the use of that tool. Nothing is always 100% successful for everyone the first time, but it is up to us to try again if we really want to begin modifying our patterns of behavior.
Hey, in retrospect, I'm actually ashamed enough of my past patterns of stupid, unaware behaviors, but I'm forgiving myself daily as I know everything happens just as it should for us to continue to learn. And it's MY self-control that keeps me on the path of peace.
Well, I feel it's time to leave this "NOW" moment and get on with my busy life, for another "NOW" moment lineup.
Fare well and a hui ho, LLJJBB ~
Saturday, August 11, 2012
This can't wait, or can it . .?
I'm writing this to anyone who reads it, but my heart wants to align with JJ's (from blog: http://checkingmymotives.blogspot.com/ ) in our understanding of each other more fully.
JJ and I became reconnected sometime around 2011/12, after decades of knowing nothing of each other and equally wonderful was me later stumbling over a great blog about personal healing from one's past; wonderful to discover it is her! Although the details differ greatly, the emotional carnage was very similar and JJ and I each found a power greater than us alone to steer us in our healing.
But this is the reason for writing again immediately after just writing the last post.
Hey I know it's semantics (saying the same thing with other words) we're talkin' here. But it's gotta be said, in my humble opinion. So understand I don't want to offend ANYone.
I have absolute faith in a higher power as does JJ, yet I can't call this higher power "him" because I'm not comfortable with it without mentioning the "I" involved here. So calling it the greatest mystery of my life is too long, yet accurate for me. I can't go to organized "church" of any kind (and believe me I've tried lots) because they invariably say this God as if it's completely outside us. I realize for years after my "life-changing accident" I spoke of God as a God, and that created disbelief in my own children's minds ~ although, my son believes on a limited basis. Therefore, I believe he lacks absolute faith.
There's the key for me; the word "completely" as in God being completely outside us (as "him"). I believe this higher power is IN us also ~ and as we begin to use what's in us first (determination for one) the ultimate energy of "God" just keeps duplicating as it creates more of the same in the name of unconditional love. But the challenge is getting to experience faith there is a power greater than us alone, and then applying it. i believe we should feel respect for this powerful whatever (could be aliens for all I'm absolute about), simply because it is greater than us alone.
Yes, this is ultimately my philosophy. By me being able to put this into my words is what this journey is for me. And finally, after 56 years, I've realized my lifetime search was to know this faith, and not a man, a job, children, or things. Faith begins with a spark of awareness and the magic of life follows our baby steps.
Self-love is the hugest battle for man as we struggle to handle, with the varying degrees, the "pain" and difficulties we encounter along our journeys. But it's up to us to continue to discover, then practice what our parents were supposed to be there to foster (a higher power because we are "man") in our beginning (just like other mammals do instictively). And even "man" with only a heart and brain, and no body functions can experience self-love without being a victim.
The ten commandments, the laws of the mechanics to our lives like gravity; what goes around comes around; there are no victims (other than children and animals); we attract that (exact energy) which we give off, everyone we encounter is simply a reflection of exactly what we think and do; the power of gratitude, awareness/attention, helping those less fortunate, treating others as we would want to be treated (awareness of this deepens as we experience life); taking responsibility for every aspect of who you are (setting personal boundaries with how you live your life); having adequate shelter, food, and clothing are the essential ingredients to survive as a human, in my humble opinion.
But I've learned the hard way, I learned after repeated trials to get it right, and I've learned the most after I chose to stop being angry at my life, and to take the responsibility of putting one foot in front of the other to do what I didn't necessarily want to do, as I practiced learning self-love through awareness and application over and over and over again.
Then one day I felt the need to totally surrender my will because I couldn't possibly put the puzzle pieces together towards what fulfills my spirit. I was done swimming against the tide, or thinking I knew best to do this or that (taking charge of my destiny), I've been humbled over and over and I still thought I knew best. Now, I keep following the natural laws of the mechanics of life, keep the faith in a higher power than me alone, and hold fast to the fact there is a purpose for me being born if I keep following my heart in the sense of my beliefs. Because I know everything happens just as it's supposed to and I can handle anything good and not good.
Whoa, carried away again. Well now, on to my day ~ fare well and a hui ho, LL
JJ and I became reconnected sometime around 2011/12, after decades of knowing nothing of each other and equally wonderful was me later stumbling over a great blog about personal healing from one's past; wonderful to discover it is her! Although the details differ greatly, the emotional carnage was very similar and JJ and I each found a power greater than us alone to steer us in our healing.
But this is the reason for writing again immediately after just writing the last post.
Hey I know it's semantics (saying the same thing with other words) we're talkin' here. But it's gotta be said, in my humble opinion. So understand I don't want to offend ANYone.
I have absolute faith in a higher power as does JJ, yet I can't call this higher power "him" because I'm not comfortable with it without mentioning the "I" involved here. So calling it the greatest mystery of my life is too long, yet accurate for me. I can't go to organized "church" of any kind (and believe me I've tried lots) because they invariably say this God as if it's completely outside us. I realize for years after my "life-changing accident" I spoke of God as a God, and that created disbelief in my own children's minds ~ although, my son believes on a limited basis. Therefore, I believe he lacks absolute faith.
There's the key for me; the word "completely" as in God being completely outside us (as "him"). I believe this higher power is IN us also ~ and as we begin to use what's in us first (determination for one) the ultimate energy of "God" just keeps duplicating as it creates more of the same in the name of unconditional love. But the challenge is getting to experience faith there is a power greater than us alone, and then applying it. i believe we should feel respect for this powerful whatever (could be aliens for all I'm absolute about), simply because it is greater than us alone.
Yes, this is ultimately my philosophy. By me being able to put this into my words is what this journey is for me. And finally, after 56 years, I've realized my lifetime search was to know this faith, and not a man, a job, children, or things. Faith begins with a spark of awareness and the magic of life follows our baby steps.
Self-love is the hugest battle for man as we struggle to handle, with the varying degrees, the "pain" and difficulties we encounter along our journeys. But it's up to us to continue to discover, then practice what our parents were supposed to be there to foster (a higher power because we are "man") in our beginning (just like other mammals do instictively). And even "man" with only a heart and brain, and no body functions can experience self-love without being a victim.
The ten commandments, the laws of the mechanics to our lives like gravity; what goes around comes around; there are no victims (other than children and animals); we attract that (exact energy) which we give off, everyone we encounter is simply a reflection of exactly what we think and do; the power of gratitude, awareness/attention, helping those less fortunate, treating others as we would want to be treated (awareness of this deepens as we experience life); taking responsibility for every aspect of who you are (setting personal boundaries with how you live your life); having adequate shelter, food, and clothing are the essential ingredients to survive as a human, in my humble opinion.
But I've learned the hard way, I learned after repeated trials to get it right, and I've learned the most after I chose to stop being angry at my life, and to take the responsibility of putting one foot in front of the other to do what I didn't necessarily want to do, as I practiced learning self-love through awareness and application over and over and over again.
Then one day I felt the need to totally surrender my will because I couldn't possibly put the puzzle pieces together towards what fulfills my spirit. I was done swimming against the tide, or thinking I knew best to do this or that (taking charge of my destiny), I've been humbled over and over and I still thought I knew best. Now, I keep following the natural laws of the mechanics of life, keep the faith in a higher power than me alone, and hold fast to the fact there is a purpose for me being born if I keep following my heart in the sense of my beliefs. Because I know everything happens just as it's supposed to and I can handle anything good and not good.
Whoa, carried away again. Well now, on to my day ~ fare well and a hui ho, LL
Oh man, I'm humbled again ~
Where to begin . . well at the beginning LL. I read my "morning paper" written by my long lost cuz : http://checkingmymotives.blogspot.com/ ~ Thanks JJ ~
I want to shed tears, but my tears would be filled with joyful salt. I can only keep on keepin' on without tears. But anyway.
I upset two of the most essential ingredients in my progressive healing: my daughter (on her first full day home from the hospital with their newborn son) and my articulate (thank goodness or she may never have been able to say it otherwise) cousin.
I continue to have a commanding personality that hurts the ones I love and love me. I thought I said something with pure love to my daughter, but found out how it sounds ~ which life has been showing me, but I haven't gotten it til I'm ready I guess. Then only days later, I absolutely offend, because I didn't first put myself in my cousin's shoes long enough to realize how self-centered and commanding I sounded. Oh my goodness, I was humbled again, but this may mean I'm nearing the end of my lessons in awareness on this issue. But honestly, it's really up to me now to carry this awareness to my nature. BIG job.
I call it a SLAP in the face. I realize my errors more quickly and easily when I'm silent, love myself, accept, and have patience (S.L.A.P.). I am constantly adjusting and modifying my behavior until my "innocent" words (no longer my actions) don't offend or hurt someone-else.
And as JJ says in her blog http://checkingmymotives.blogspot.com/ she keeps on doin' the best she can and things do eventually work out. And the more we learn and practice the quicker things do work out. ~ I believe because we've created the right emotional environment for the highest good for everyone to germinate to it's potential.
See ~ and then why clutter our mind with worry about things you can't control or do anything about because we've got enough just puttin' awarenesses into practice, and that means our control over our own heart/mind ~
JJ's gratitude list from Thursday 8/9/12 ~ http://checkingmymotives.blogspot.com/
I have God in my life - running my life*
I am healthy
I have kids that are healthy and reasonably happy
My ex is no longer angry with all that happened.
I am employed
I can pay (and do) my bills
I'm no longer afraid of the mailbox (don't laugh)
I have all the essentials and then some
I paid my car off
I have freedom like I've never known.
I actually want to get up at 4am and go to the gym.
Mine from today, 8/11/12
I have a great awareness of "God" in my life and the power of this "higher entity"
I am healthy
I have kids that are reasonably healthy and happy
I can only pray my eXes no longer hurt by what happened "so long" ago
I am volunteering my free time washing dishes and doing barn work I LOVE
I can pay (and do) my bills
I'm no longer "afraid" to answer the phone
I have all the essentials (a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and healthcare)
My children live close, yet we're becoming closer with time
I have great friends surrounding me if/when I choose
And I too get up at 4 am-ish to start my day, and I love it
I know, as adults, we've each created the foundation we live on and when our awareness knows we've got at least a roof and food (to some degree) to be grateful for, we've got a huge beginning (damn, the healthcare situation screws SO many and my heart feels your frustrations). I can only pray everyone has some kind of family! And when we're missing something on the list, we need to still be grateful it ain't any worse!
That may sound easy for me to say, yet I know too many folks (me included to a great degree) who have risen from absolutely none or far less from the above lists and risen with grace, love, and awareness worth all the gold on earth.
Whoa, I'm putting the reins on for today. Fare well and a hui ho, LL
P.S. (guess it's only you JJ :) I want to clarify the * I put on the list from your blog done on Thurs the 9th. But I want to do it for cyberspace cuz it is my truth on "God", but I don't want to offend especially you (because our God belief is a shadow away). See ya on the path!
I want to shed tears, but my tears would be filled with joyful salt. I can only keep on keepin' on without tears. But anyway.
I upset two of the most essential ingredients in my progressive healing: my daughter (on her first full day home from the hospital with their newborn son) and my articulate (thank goodness or she may never have been able to say it otherwise) cousin.
I continue to have a commanding personality that hurts the ones I love and love me. I thought I said something with pure love to my daughter, but found out how it sounds ~ which life has been showing me, but I haven't gotten it til I'm ready I guess. Then only days later, I absolutely offend, because I didn't first put myself in my cousin's shoes long enough to realize how self-centered and commanding I sounded. Oh my goodness, I was humbled again, but this may mean I'm nearing the end of my lessons in awareness on this issue. But honestly, it's really up to me now to carry this awareness to my nature. BIG job.
I call it a SLAP in the face. I realize my errors more quickly and easily when I'm silent, love myself, accept, and have patience (S.L.A.P.). I am constantly adjusting and modifying my behavior until my "innocent" words (no longer my actions) don't offend or hurt someone-else.
And as JJ says in her blog http://checkingmymotives.blogspot.com/ she keeps on doin' the best she can and things do eventually work out. And the more we learn and practice the quicker things do work out. ~ I believe because we've created the right emotional environment for the highest good for everyone to germinate to it's potential.
See ~ and then why clutter our mind with worry about things you can't control or do anything about because we've got enough just puttin' awarenesses into practice, and that means our control over our own heart/mind ~
JJ's gratitude list from Thursday 8/9/12 ~ http://checkingmymotives.blogspot.com/
I have God in my life - running my life*
I am healthy
I have kids that are healthy and reasonably happy
My ex is no longer angry with all that happened.
I am employed
I can pay (and do) my bills
I'm no longer afraid of the mailbox (don't laugh)
I have all the essentials and then some
I paid my car off
I have freedom like I've never known.
I actually want to get up at 4am and go to the gym.
Mine from today, 8/11/12
I have a great awareness of "God" in my life and the power of this "higher entity"
I am healthy
I have kids that are reasonably healthy and happy
I can only pray my eXes no longer hurt by what happened "so long" ago
I am volunteering my free time washing dishes and doing barn work I LOVE
I can pay (and do) my bills
I'm no longer "afraid" to answer the phone
I have all the essentials (a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and healthcare)
My children live close, yet we're becoming closer with time
I have great friends surrounding me if/when I choose
And I too get up at 4 am-ish to start my day, and I love it
I know, as adults, we've each created the foundation we live on and when our awareness knows we've got at least a roof and food (to some degree) to be grateful for, we've got a huge beginning (damn, the healthcare situation screws SO many and my heart feels your frustrations). I can only pray everyone has some kind of family! And when we're missing something on the list, we need to still be grateful it ain't any worse!
That may sound easy for me to say, yet I know too many folks (me included to a great degree) who have risen from absolutely none or far less from the above lists and risen with grace, love, and awareness worth all the gold on earth.
Whoa, I'm putting the reins on for today. Fare well and a hui ho, LL
P.S. (guess it's only you JJ :) I want to clarify the * I put on the list from your blog done on Thurs the 9th. But I want to do it for cyberspace cuz it is my truth on "God", but I don't want to offend especially you (because our God belief is a shadow away). See ya on the path!
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Sharing even 2% of DNA is powerful ~
I can't believe I was taken-back even for a moment when I found out (again?) that we humans share 98% of the same DNA of an orangutan. What jolted me is that only 2% of our DNA separates us from these guys and yet we are significantly different.
So what's really known about the other 2% of the DNA system? It's like man's brain ~ how can we fathom the capabilities of something man only uses a fraction of anyway? What if that's where this higher power within us resides? What if that unknown space contains the supposedly superhuman powers often displayed by ordinary humans?
That leads me to thinking of my cousin and how we also share another 25% of the remaining DNA, which is a very significant amount if my thinking is correct.
We each write somewhere in the "blogoshere" (thanks cuz) that's in googlesphere somewhere in cyberspace-sphere and how I stumbled across her pieces of "talk walkin the walk of the talk". I admire her and she, I guess you could say, admires me. We've each earned our life's certificate from the school of hard knocks, and we've forgiven ourselves, are still workin' on our attitudes of victim or guilty, and we've surrendered our need to control the ultimate mechanics of our life's course ~ I'm only laughing at myself now.
JJ and my life experiences were from "different sides of the tracks", to be quite frank, yet apparently from the same emotional side and after decades of dealing with our lives from our very separate perspectives. It's fascinating to me. I can't wait to learn more.
But the emotional healing part seems to be the same for everyone. Acceptance, forgiveness, having zero expectations, being careful of who or what we attach ourselves for security, paying attention to everything surrounding us, love for our "self " (what you see in others, good and bad, we also possess or you wouldn't "see" it), and the hardest part of all ~ be patient and give your all to keep putting one foot in front of the other on the road of leading to your happiness. Where there's a will there's a way. Do you have the will?
This leads us to love. And yes, if you want to love who you are. When we love who we are ~ that is the highest energy we can emit from our beings and then the magic begins. If it's been done by some of worst suffering humans can endure, why is it that we can't?
As my boyfriend's deceased parents used to "drill" into his heart, "you is all you gotta be with ~ you're your own best friend". This was not "drilled" as most parents seem to do. His daddy was Sioux and mamma Apache; both with a bit of ye Irish and a solid native heart.
JJ and I share a great grandmother with native blood. As kids, my siblings and I never heard of her. She died when my father was 4 years old and JJ's mom was 2, so I don't know about JJ. On my 50th birthday I first found out and had a lifetime of the same question being asked of me, finally answered. I finally asked a pertinent question. I may save this story for another day.
I eventually learned what it feels like to surrender because I truly believe everything happens just as it's supposed to, yet we keep setting up "our wills", so why did I prolong my own suffering? I finally stopped resisting (in whatever form we realize we are resisting) by not pushing my will (for the script of my life).
That moment of feeling total surrender to a force with far more skill and unfathomable intelligence, than us-alone, is such a peaceful, stress-free, gentle feeling you'll wonder why you waited so long to start on the road to your own happiness. But that's only the challenging beginning we face. First step ~ seeing the choice. Step two ~ making the right choice to learn and Three - the hardest is JUST DO IT the best You can ~ And tomorrow you'll probably have to try harder than you did the day before until it becomes a natural thing to do.
We must keep believing things do get better for us, things keep slowly but surely falling into place that fulfill our heart's desires (friends, family, work, our home . .), we start to see and feel things around us to keep us going forward, try not to worry about things you can't control, keep your heart and mind open to possibilities you never thought of, keep going forward!
Hey, we all slip now and then, we're humans, so forgive, accept, love yourself anyway, but get the hell back up and start again. Do it over and over until you're feeling strong enough because you know there's strength in numbers ~ even if it's just "me, myself, and I" ~ ever think of that? We all have the spirit side of us that resides somewhere in that magnificent heart & brain we all have.
Well, it's another day ahead, hopefully?, for all us us. All I gotta know is I'm tryin' as hard as I can and things do fall into place, and keep falling into place as we've got to allow it to. We're the only factor that gets in our own way of smooth sailing as we keep happiness at bay. We chose.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
So what's really known about the other 2% of the DNA system? It's like man's brain ~ how can we fathom the capabilities of something man only uses a fraction of anyway? What if that's where this higher power within us resides? What if that unknown space contains the supposedly superhuman powers often displayed by ordinary humans?
That leads me to thinking of my cousin and how we also share another 25% of the remaining DNA, which is a very significant amount if my thinking is correct.
We each write somewhere in the "blogoshere" (thanks cuz) that's in googlesphere somewhere in cyberspace-sphere and how I stumbled across her pieces of "talk walkin the walk of the talk". I admire her and she, I guess you could say, admires me. We've each earned our life's certificate from the school of hard knocks, and we've forgiven ourselves, are still workin' on our attitudes of victim or guilty, and we've surrendered our need to control the ultimate mechanics of our life's course ~ I'm only laughing at myself now.
JJ and my life experiences were from "different sides of the tracks", to be quite frank, yet apparently from the same emotional side and after decades of dealing with our lives from our very separate perspectives. It's fascinating to me. I can't wait to learn more.
But the emotional healing part seems to be the same for everyone. Acceptance, forgiveness, having zero expectations, being careful of who or what we attach ourselves for security, paying attention to everything surrounding us, love for our "self " (what you see in others, good and bad, we also possess or you wouldn't "see" it), and the hardest part of all ~ be patient and give your all to keep putting one foot in front of the other on the road of leading to your happiness. Where there's a will there's a way. Do you have the will?
This leads us to love. And yes, if you want to love who you are. When we love who we are ~ that is the highest energy we can emit from our beings and then the magic begins. If it's been done by some of worst suffering humans can endure, why is it that we can't?
As my boyfriend's deceased parents used to "drill" into his heart, "you is all you gotta be with ~ you're your own best friend". This was not "drilled" as most parents seem to do. His daddy was Sioux and mamma Apache; both with a bit of ye Irish and a solid native heart.
JJ and I share a great grandmother with native blood. As kids, my siblings and I never heard of her. She died when my father was 4 years old and JJ's mom was 2, so I don't know about JJ. On my 50th birthday I first found out and had a lifetime of the same question being asked of me, finally answered. I finally asked a pertinent question. I may save this story for another day.
I eventually learned what it feels like to surrender because I truly believe everything happens just as it's supposed to, yet we keep setting up "our wills", so why did I prolong my own suffering? I finally stopped resisting (in whatever form we realize we are resisting) by not pushing my will (for the script of my life).
That moment of feeling total surrender to a force with far more skill and unfathomable intelligence, than us-alone, is such a peaceful, stress-free, gentle feeling you'll wonder why you waited so long to start on the road to your own happiness. But that's only the challenging beginning we face. First step ~ seeing the choice. Step two ~ making the right choice to learn and Three - the hardest is JUST DO IT the best You can ~ And tomorrow you'll probably have to try harder than you did the day before until it becomes a natural thing to do.
We must keep believing things do get better for us, things keep slowly but surely falling into place that fulfill our heart's desires (friends, family, work, our home . .), we start to see and feel things around us to keep us going forward, try not to worry about things you can't control, keep your heart and mind open to possibilities you never thought of, keep going forward!
Hey, we all slip now and then, we're humans, so forgive, accept, love yourself anyway, but get the hell back up and start again. Do it over and over until you're feeling strong enough because you know there's strength in numbers ~ even if it's just "me, myself, and I" ~ ever think of that? We all have the spirit side of us that resides somewhere in that magnificent heart & brain we all have.
Well, it's another day ahead, hopefully?, for all us us. All I gotta know is I'm tryin' as hard as I can and things do fall into place, and keep falling into place as we've got to allow it to. We're the only factor that gets in our own way of smooth sailing as we keep happiness at bay. We chose.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
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