I had a bad day yesterday????

Thanks JJ, my morning paper put my feelings towards yesterday into perspective. A perspective I'd so egotistically felt was an important one for the folks amidst the rubble. I'm sure that did happen, but I'm telling myself now, that "me" had to tell it to "myself", and I know the message came through loud and clear when I read my morning paper published by a woman who came back into my life after forty or so years. She is my cousin, she is my heart, she publishes her wisdom in   http://checkingmymotives.blogspot.com

Yesterday was a hard one for me because I had to face myself, and I wasn't happy with what I saw. I'm actually too ashamed to write my inner drama; it was absolutely nothing in comparrison to just about anything. My "plans" for how I saw my day going began a bit rough, but I continued. I even got myself to my destination, and began to see how really useless I was, and I was overheated and there was nothing I could do about it. I'm sure part of the heat I felt was frustration at myself.

I suddenly felt very self-conscious, felt I'd been stupid to think otherwise since the circumstances were a "given", but it weren't going to play out as I'd imagined. This all sounds so cryptic, and that's okay, I just need to finish playing this out in my mind, so I can "heal".

I "ran", I left very self-consciously with a feeling of such failure, I felt like "my father". Why couldn't I stay, why couldn't I adjust my "plan" and make the most of a situation with unconditional love for those around me and stick my plan out? Because my "plan" wouldn't have been perfect?? Because I'd have to put others feelings before my own? Because it was easier to run back home and hibernate inside licking my wounds? I'm not quite sure, but these are questions for "me, myself and I" to ponder further.

Actually, I'll end with this: I've thought of the "me" as being my earthly-self, "myself" being my eartly-self blended with the invisible-intelligence flowing through all (evolution in process), and "I" being intuition that speaks from the "I-I" flowing through every living thing on earth. I know this isn't an original thought, even though it's put in my words, because I know the Hawaiians also believe along these lines from what I studied years ago.

Fare well and a hui ho, LL