Life running away ~

I just spent my time writing to the JJ of LLJJBB, and I'm feeling grounded enough to keep writing. But I have set my timer, so I'll stay focused.

I'm telling myself "Whoa Buckshot", because it's a reminder to slow down. That statement is intertwined with my personal life on a grander scale of the happiness and peace I'm determined to maintain. "Slow down Buckshot" is now a representation of the spiritual half of me (my nature) that's searched for a mate that compliments my spirit.

The most important things to me are family, dear friends and my relationship with my self in awareness of " my life" . And when my mate started saying "Slow down Buckshot" to me, it put me onto new awareness into me that I'm trying to apply to my life.

I'm presently facing the fact I am already with myself when I'm with "him", but honestly I can't tolerate the self abuse with smoking with COPD, asthma, a weaker body system due to lifelong abuse. And I thank goodness it's not alcohol or drugs and hasn't been for 16+ or so years. Tobacco use is such an addiction it's a nightmare for folks all consumed with it.

So where am I supposed to look within me to find what it is I'm resisting about modifying in myself? I don't smoke tobacco, I drink socially, I abuse coffee, and yes, I'm knowing I must be abusing something.

Will my questions and unease unfold in peace when I can do my part? All I see is me doing this, me doing that, and me doing it all alone, and I'm always SO busy and accomplishing, and it bringing me nothing but peace and joy in securing the only future I can see right now.

I've gotten off track somewhere and I see I've just over a minute before the timer sounds. I gotta get ready to begin my day. My daughter just called with an awesome idea for my mom's 80th birthday, so I gotta start thinkin'.

There's the timer. Fare well and a hui ho, LL