I strongly believe there is a connection man's been waiting to "get". And I came to this realization in my quite time in silence with "me, myself, and I".
In my humble opinion, man's brain has developed as it has for the purpose of figuring out the obvious: we're here, we evolve, we're part of the puzzle to survival as a species. If we're responsible in some way to "use this gift to our best ability", then perhaps it's for the ability to formulate the awareness that "mankind should be pondering, with wonder and awe, how evolution can work so magically for the greatest good for all living species?
It's obvious by knowing how the animal-kingdom works, there's no denying how "one thing is there for anothers' purpose" (to eat, to feed, to assist with survival, to provide whatever shelter and nurturing for offspring). Each day, somewhere, man discovers more of the pieces to the whole puzzle (the bigger picture) in every resource, plant or animal discovered.
The original (in my humble opinion) that were natives inhabitants to our planet were darker skinned (after loosing all the fur ~ even in snow regions. And hey, I can't get side-tracked (by connecting man with the oceans). That's too big for my brain to wrap around. Although in my humble opinion, "these people" intuitively knew how to survive "as one with the earth" and they do to this day in regions yet discovered.
Yea, there are always going to be "ego" issues just as with animals. I believe there's always going to be "one bad apple" somewhere in the species. It's just the way it is.
So why hasn't man put his brains to the discovery of how all people on the planet should be "working as one" with the planet and for the highest good for survival of the species? Do you believe it's ego? Do you understand ego? Do you learn by looking at yourself, as we should have been taught from day one.
I can't help but imagine people being born to parents SO HUMBLE; they unconditionally love their offspring to the point of secondly-naturedly nurturing and caring for them until they're have learned what it takes to survive. In my humble opinion, man has the gift of a brain to explore the power of unconditional love (animals don't have to think about it huh?)
Man's ego (represented by the love of money in my humble opinion) obviously got in the way long before mankind evolved with unconditional love for all ~ as if the species had a purpose for being here (to play a part in the unfathomable brilliance of evolution for the greatest good for the workings or mechanics of life on earth ~
Slowly, yet surely I am evolving. And now me, myself, and I must get a move on.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Thursday, November 1, 2012
I had a bad day yesterday????
Thanks JJ, my morning paper put my feelings towards yesterday into perspective. A perspective I'd so egotistically felt was an important one for the folks amidst the rubble. I'm sure that did happen, but I'm telling myself now, that "me" had to tell it to "myself", and I know the message came through loud and clear when I read my morning paper published by a woman who came back into my life after forty or so years. She is my cousin, she is my heart, she publishes her wisdom in http://checkingmymotives.blogspot.com
Yesterday was a hard one for me because I had to face myself, and I wasn't happy with what I saw. I'm actually too ashamed to write my inner drama; it was absolutely nothing in comparrison to just about anything. My "plans" for how I saw my day going began a bit rough, but I continued. I even got myself to my destination, and began to see how really useless I was, and I was overheated and there was nothing I could do about it. I'm sure part of the heat I felt was frustration at myself.
I suddenly felt very self-conscious, felt I'd been stupid to think otherwise since the circumstances were a "given", but it weren't going to play out as I'd imagined. This all sounds so cryptic, and that's okay, I just need to finish playing this out in my mind, so I can "heal".
I "ran", I left very self-consciously with a feeling of such failure, I felt like "my father". Why couldn't I stay, why couldn't I adjust my "plan" and make the most of a situation with unconditional love for those around me and stick my plan out? Because my "plan" wouldn't have been perfect?? Because I'd have to put others feelings before my own? Because it was easier to run back home and hibernate inside licking my wounds? I'm not quite sure, but these are questions for "me, myself and I" to ponder further.
Actually, I'll end with this: I've thought of the "me" as being my earthly-self, "myself" being my eartly-self blended with the invisible-intelligence flowing through all (evolution in process), and "I" being intuition that speaks from the "I-I" flowing through every living thing on earth. I know this isn't an original thought, even though it's put in my words, because I know the Hawaiians also believe along these lines from what I studied years ago.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Yesterday was a hard one for me because I had to face myself, and I wasn't happy with what I saw. I'm actually too ashamed to write my inner drama; it was absolutely nothing in comparrison to just about anything. My "plans" for how I saw my day going began a bit rough, but I continued. I even got myself to my destination, and began to see how really useless I was, and I was overheated and there was nothing I could do about it. I'm sure part of the heat I felt was frustration at myself.
I suddenly felt very self-conscious, felt I'd been stupid to think otherwise since the circumstances were a "given", but it weren't going to play out as I'd imagined. This all sounds so cryptic, and that's okay, I just need to finish playing this out in my mind, so I can "heal".
I "ran", I left very self-consciously with a feeling of such failure, I felt like "my father". Why couldn't I stay, why couldn't I adjust my "plan" and make the most of a situation with unconditional love for those around me and stick my plan out? Because my "plan" wouldn't have been perfect?? Because I'd have to put others feelings before my own? Because it was easier to run back home and hibernate inside licking my wounds? I'm not quite sure, but these are questions for "me, myself and I" to ponder further.
Actually, I'll end with this: I've thought of the "me" as being my earthly-self, "myself" being my eartly-self blended with the invisible-intelligence flowing through all (evolution in process), and "I" being intuition that speaks from the "I-I" flowing through every living thing on earth. I know this isn't an original thought, even though it's put in my words, because I know the Hawaiians also believe along these lines from what I studied years ago.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Building Unconditional Love
Perhaps I'm not as blind to love the way I'd been for well over 50 years. But trying to go backwards in time to eradicate damage already done, to now adult children, is quite a difficult challenge.
My daughter already vehemently rejects me even saying, "unconditional love" anymore. Yes, I do get all consumed with words that have unlocked knowledge in me and I'm sure I've overused 'em to explain my "new position". Admittedly, I've been obnoxious.
How can I ever get across the understanding of subconscious conditions we place on receiving love?
I believe this is essential information to have if one expects to have the deepest confidence and love for themselves ~ that will allow their life to flow in perpetual, relative peace (within their-self).
How can I explain my growing awareness of conditions stemming from fear- based resistance, or conditions set in our minds that we assume help us maintain control of our lives.
Absolutely, it's essential to set your own conditions (or boundaries) to who or what you'll allow into your lives
.
Control is a learned behavior we modify or change if/when we choose.
Isn't it obvious that humans raised, anywhere, with the second-nature mindset of unconditional love for the highest good for all living things is what "turns" a peaceful, balanced planet?
When we're not able to "let go of our position" (this is what I know; this is what I want; this is who I am) we can become so ensnared in our own delusions that we're unable to ascertain reality, and we could be lie-ing to our Self with our ego.
I do appreciate we all learn in our own time, I understand we can lead a horse to water, but we can't make 'em drink, I know we all live our lives as individuals, but I'm talking about my children. I see harmful patterns that ran for generations in my blood relatives. I see them and I'm doing everything I can to expand awareness, so these aspects can be modified to allow the "us" to receive and give unconditional love with all we possibly can.
Can't you just hear how badly I want to reach my own children's hearts and minds? They're all almost in their thirties, and the next generation is forming right now. I hear my impatience. My impatience ultimately always backfires from my good intentions. I ask my Self when I'll ever learn?
Okay there, "I've" told my Self again ~ patience, love, and acceptance. Again I found it within my silence. I'd received another slap from life, and processed it within my silence. I'm certain I dealt with the invisible intelligence which runs through all living things and at least the "slaps" are more gentle, yet still waking me up to myself.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
My daughter already vehemently rejects me even saying, "unconditional love" anymore. Yes, I do get all consumed with words that have unlocked knowledge in me and I'm sure I've overused 'em to explain my "new position". Admittedly, I've been obnoxious.
How can I ever get across the understanding of subconscious conditions we place on receiving love?
I believe this is essential information to have if one expects to have the deepest confidence and love for themselves ~ that will allow their life to flow in perpetual, relative peace (within their-self).
How can I explain my growing awareness of conditions stemming from fear- based resistance, or conditions set in our minds that we assume help us maintain control of our lives.
Absolutely, it's essential to set your own conditions (or boundaries) to who or what you'll allow into your lives
.
Control is a learned behavior we modify or change if/when we choose.
Isn't it obvious that humans raised, anywhere, with the second-nature mindset of unconditional love for the highest good for all living things is what "turns" a peaceful, balanced planet?
When we're not able to "let go of our position" (this is what I know; this is what I want; this is who I am) we can become so ensnared in our own delusions that we're unable to ascertain reality, and we could be lie-ing to our Self with our ego.
I do appreciate we all learn in our own time, I understand we can lead a horse to water, but we can't make 'em drink, I know we all live our lives as individuals, but I'm talking about my children. I see harmful patterns that ran for generations in my blood relatives. I see them and I'm doing everything I can to expand awareness, so these aspects can be modified to allow the "us" to receive and give unconditional love with all we possibly can.
Can't you just hear how badly I want to reach my own children's hearts and minds? They're all almost in their thirties, and the next generation is forming right now. I hear my impatience. My impatience ultimately always backfires from my good intentions. I ask my Self when I'll ever learn?
Okay there, "I've" told my Self again ~ patience, love, and acceptance. Again I found it within my silence. I'd received another slap from life, and processed it within my silence. I'm certain I dealt with the invisible intelligence which runs through all living things and at least the "slaps" are more gentle, yet still waking me up to myself.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Another Day to Give
To give my wisdom, to give of myself as I evolve into a being that exudes unconditional love in facial and body language, and a tone in my voice that embraces a growing consciousness of the words that exit my mouth (before they exit my mouth). This too is a forever journey for me, as I "monitor" my own progress by the "reactions" of those in my "sphere of influence" (I imagine it as a bubble that mingles with countless other bubbles).
This is where my awareness into the mechanics of life has my focus today. I have come down a very winding and self-created difficult path, because I'm kinda thick headed. I still had "ego" to shed on a deeper level than I realized existed) in order to stop resisting wisdom that exists in each of us.
I look at just about everything today, from the perspective of what's happening is a massive learning about by "seeing yourself" move through crisis of the world today ~
Mankind has evolved into a species always wanting more. More conveniences, wanting life easier (more money) for "survival", then egos evolved to "all about "me" versus "us" (things done for the greatest good for all), and mixing that with a "what's-in[it-for-me-attitude" it became an uncontrollable breeding ground for greed, which grew into the disease of the world today.
And man's addictions have always been cursing our evolutions as individuals. Recognizing our addictions, taking responsibility for what we CAN do or not do, in every aspect of our lives, is essential for any kind of change or evolution as a whole species. Addictions have the curse of a disease, yet we're responsible to do our part ~ with our inner guidance to follow. Why would we choose responsibility of any kind if it's easier to blame or excuse?
I did it and I can't give you a good reason. Lack of personal awareness? Yes! Lack of understanding of unconditional love for myself being at the core of sharing unconditional love for the highest good for all.
We're being forced (with the force of nature) to learn what's really important on the deepest level of man's existance: evolution of the planet, to respect what it provides in conjunction with an unfathomable brilliance of balance for the planet's inhabitants of every single kind.
Soloutions?? There always are. Think in terms of making the most of what you do have in the ways of survival, (on the simplest terms) by being creative in thought for how you can enjoy and achieve this. I learned this only after I'd crashed into a pile of pathetic-poor-me and resisted learning the true mechanics of life.
Life is a different experience from this perspective. Every single living person has a form of creativity inside who they are (absolutely zero boundaries to creativity), be proactive by doing your best to do (all) you can do ~ that's enough! Do it in terms of love and evolution for all.
The mechanics of life will begin to excite your spirit as you acknowledge awareness is there when we choose to be open to the process of evolution.
Enough today. Fare well and a hui ho, LL
This is where my awareness into the mechanics of life has my focus today. I have come down a very winding and self-created difficult path, because I'm kinda thick headed. I still had "ego" to shed on a deeper level than I realized existed) in order to stop resisting wisdom that exists in each of us.
I look at just about everything today, from the perspective of what's happening is a massive learning about by "seeing yourself" move through crisis of the world today ~
Mankind has evolved into a species always wanting more. More conveniences, wanting life easier (more money) for "survival", then egos evolved to "all about "me" versus "us" (things done for the greatest good for all), and mixing that with a "what's-in[it-for-me-attitude" it became an uncontrollable breeding ground for greed, which grew into the disease of the world today.
And man's addictions have always been cursing our evolutions as individuals. Recognizing our addictions, taking responsibility for what we CAN do or not do, in every aspect of our lives, is essential for any kind of change or evolution as a whole species. Addictions have the curse of a disease, yet we're responsible to do our part ~ with our inner guidance to follow. Why would we choose responsibility of any kind if it's easier to blame or excuse?
I did it and I can't give you a good reason. Lack of personal awareness? Yes! Lack of understanding of unconditional love for myself being at the core of sharing unconditional love for the highest good for all.
We're being forced (with the force of nature) to learn what's really important on the deepest level of man's existance: evolution of the planet, to respect what it provides in conjunction with an unfathomable brilliance of balance for the planet's inhabitants of every single kind.
Soloutions?? There always are. Think in terms of making the most of what you do have in the ways of survival, (on the simplest terms) by being creative in thought for how you can enjoy and achieve this. I learned this only after I'd crashed into a pile of pathetic-poor-me and resisted learning the true mechanics of life.
Life is a different experience from this perspective. Every single living person has a form of creativity inside who they are (absolutely zero boundaries to creativity), be proactive by doing your best to do (all) you can do ~ that's enough! Do it in terms of love and evolution for all.
The mechanics of life will begin to excite your spirit as you acknowledge awareness is there when we choose to be open to the process of evolution.
Enough today. Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Monday, October 29, 2012
Whoa Buckshot ~
What's happening? I must process this in writing to hope to find my wisdom flowing within my Self. And I'm not going to expect my son will ever have the fortitude to attempt to read the couple posts I felt compelled to share, by giving him the name of this blog. No matter: I'll write free of judgment ~ this is mine ~
It's his life, my daughter and her growing family have their lives, each of us have very individual lives (yet connected lives simply through unconditional love). And unfortunately this is an extremely difficult mindset to sustain once one has the "ah ha" moment, let alone for most people to even be aware of when they're just going through life.
I'm more than enough aware that I could appear "so needy" of involvement with my children's lives (impatiently wanting the connection of unconditional love with my grandbabies with my children), and how I may appear to still be pushing. I've got to be satisfied with a few hours maybe once a week. My goodness I just realized that IS enough for a family where outside love is difficult to receive. They know I'd love to be invited over for coffee some time over the weekends when my son stays with his sister.
Either that or I perceive/feel far more than is good for my own good? I'm gonna explain ~ Sunday, I'd been out washing a tent in a laundry, meeting an older couple who arranged to meet me to give me my apron I left at my soup kitchen Friday, delivered stale bread to my good friend (for the critters, especially before the inevitable rain from hurricane Sandy).
I got home to a heart-warming phone message from my daughter's phone (my two G-babies saying good morning 45 mins earlier). I heard my 3 mth old grandson begin to smile and coo (and no, I know it wasn't "to" me), then my almost 2 yr old grandaughter said, "Morning LaLa", I was at the pinnacle of my happiness.
I guess I should have left "good enough" alone, but no. LaLa has to call them back. Not a good move I guess. My daughter is finding her comfort in sharing her Self with me (going to be at dad's, helping sibling today...). Is this how I always seem to over-do my enthusiasm about "moving ahead" in life? I wanted to ask ahead if my idea was gonna work for the following day.
A couple days ago I'd thought how it would make things smell and "feel" good when my daughter brings her two children to my tiny apartment for the first time. Since we talked about a possible Mon or Tue, I hoped perhaps this week. I already told my daughter I want to be the one to carry and be with my grandaughter one-on-one when she first enters my home. (I will not risk having any strange vibes, including body language, subconsciously passed on). Takes far too long to undo first encounters.
I want her to feel the magic of stillness and peace amidst an eclectic and creatively-alive decor ~ versus it being claustrophobic. I believe the smell of what my grandaughter named "LaLa's crackers" (a specific cookie she obviously liked) would help create a sense of unconditional love.
I can rationalize the above scenario. I'm sure if I just keep looking at me, myself, and I, which I now just have, I will make acceptance my game. Love for who I am, love being the magic pill for all, patience must follow my awareness, and I'm back to joining the flow of my life in peace.
Okay, so now on to my day, and it's already "late" in my eyes.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
It's his life, my daughter and her growing family have their lives, each of us have very individual lives (yet connected lives simply through unconditional love). And unfortunately this is an extremely difficult mindset to sustain once one has the "ah ha" moment, let alone for most people to even be aware of when they're just going through life.
I'm more than enough aware that I could appear "so needy" of involvement with my children's lives (impatiently wanting the connection of unconditional love with my grandbabies with my children), and how I may appear to still be pushing. I've got to be satisfied with a few hours maybe once a week. My goodness I just realized that IS enough for a family where outside love is difficult to receive. They know I'd love to be invited over for coffee some time over the weekends when my son stays with his sister.
Either that or I perceive/feel far more than is good for my own good? I'm gonna explain ~ Sunday, I'd been out washing a tent in a laundry, meeting an older couple who arranged to meet me to give me my apron I left at my soup kitchen Friday, delivered stale bread to my good friend (for the critters, especially before the inevitable rain from hurricane Sandy).
I got home to a heart-warming phone message from my daughter's phone (my two G-babies saying good morning 45 mins earlier). I heard my 3 mth old grandson begin to smile and coo (and no, I know it wasn't "to" me), then my almost 2 yr old grandaughter said, "Morning LaLa", I was at the pinnacle of my happiness.
I guess I should have left "good enough" alone, but no. LaLa has to call them back. Not a good move I guess. My daughter is finding her comfort in sharing her Self with me (going to be at dad's, helping sibling today...). Is this how I always seem to over-do my enthusiasm about "moving ahead" in life? I wanted to ask ahead if my idea was gonna work for the following day.
A couple days ago I'd thought how it would make things smell and "feel" good when my daughter brings her two children to my tiny apartment for the first time. Since we talked about a possible Mon or Tue, I hoped perhaps this week. I already told my daughter I want to be the one to carry and be with my grandaughter one-on-one when she first enters my home. (I will not risk having any strange vibes, including body language, subconsciously passed on). Takes far too long to undo first encounters.
I want her to feel the magic of stillness and peace amidst an eclectic and creatively-alive decor ~ versus it being claustrophobic. I believe the smell of what my grandaughter named "LaLa's crackers" (a specific cookie she obviously liked) would help create a sense of unconditional love.
I can rationalize the above scenario. I'm sure if I just keep looking at me, myself, and I, which I now just have, I will make acceptance my game. Love for who I am, love being the magic pill for all, patience must follow my awareness, and I'm back to joining the flow of my life in peace.
Okay, so now on to my day, and it's already "late" in my eyes.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Subconscious Conditions ~
Oh no! What's this now? We all have some sort of understanding of what subconscious means. "They" say our dreams and our feelings are a form of our subconscious communicating with our physical minds. I can't disagree.
The other day I had a split moment that struck me with "subconscious conditions" and here's what I was thinking. I'm sure it's the "same" as checking your motives http://checkingyourmotives.blogspot.com because it can consciously help us change our behavior.
It's amazing to become aware of how often our words or actions reflect our own buried conditions such as, "I knew them 10 years ago and they did this or that so I'm gonna react the same, to them, as I always have", or "I'm not feeling chipper today, so it's okay to do this or that to feel better", or "I've always been treated this way, this is familiar to me, this is what I know, this is how I'm most comfortable with myself . ." bla bla. We all know what we do to ourselves that keeps the Dominos falling.
To see "things" change around us, to see Dominos build on each other rather than toppling, we've got to be willing to see ourselves for what we are or want to be. Nothing is impossible; it just takes the first baby step in motion. Putting a thought, or new awareness, into action takes courage, even perhaps beyond the courage it took to survive life to this point.
Trusting yourself that you CAN and WILL do everything in your power to stay the course of trust and love, has got to be one key to unlocking a door to a brighter future don't you think? It's simply making up your mind to listen to your Self. There is some invisible intelligence called "God" that is in all of us, there's got to be! "It" speaks to us if we're willing to listen. Yes, our gut never lies and our gut feelings become known to us when we listen.
Our physical mind has a lot the power. You yourself know the difference if you really care to notice a difference in what you pay attention to. One thought seems to come from your physical body that's lived through life so far, and the other seems to come from a part of us that knows better. See?
I prefer to say I'm following my heart, but that can be confusing if your physical heart is seeking a mate (which I believe is one of those animal instincts that keep any species going). We're different because we humans and can process thoughts. We can/do choose to ignore what we don't want to hear (as in that voice in our heads): Our free wills: Our human ability: Our choice: Our decision: Our bla bla.
It makes us human to choose to listen to our own self love, which speaks of good for what's best for US in terms of the evolution of everything. Our human brains can't possibly know all this consciously. I certainly don't mean to make this sound too confusing.
Like it or not, it really comes down to what we're willing to do to have things change. Looking outside yourself for something that'll "do it" (enable you to "have" differently) is ALWAYS going to take your life off course eventually.
The answers are always inside us, the changes can only come from our SELF (the invisible intelligence flowing through everything). We take the action and we see the results, and we can choose to see how this affects life around us. This writing is really just more of the same; just worded with my own awareness.
I've been amazed how I find myself (increasing swiftly over the last 3 years) saying cliches we've all heard (which I'm blank now for any) as if I'm the originator of the thinking. But I'm certainly not. It's been a journey to discover the wisdom within. It's an even more challenging path to walk with confidence.
Confidence is the gift we find when we love ourselves enough to listen to that little voice inside. Creating an impenetrable confidence doesn't happen "over-night". I'm sure it's different for everyone. All I know is mine is stronger and still getting stronger, so if it can happen for me I believe it can happen for anyone willing to trust and love the inherent good within every baby born on earth. Finding it begins the moment you decide to see "you can".
Have faith in the process that's all I can say.
I know I've spewed and spewed my own process in life, and if someone felt it "hit their own heart" my time has not been for "not" ~ which seems like an odd expression, and I wonder if I've written it right. Oh well.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
The other day I had a split moment that struck me with "subconscious conditions" and here's what I was thinking. I'm sure it's the "same" as checking your motives http://checkingyourmotives.blogspot.com because it can consciously help us change our behavior.
It's amazing to become aware of how often our words or actions reflect our own buried conditions such as, "I knew them 10 years ago and they did this or that so I'm gonna react the same, to them, as I always have", or "I'm not feeling chipper today, so it's okay to do this or that to feel better", or "I've always been treated this way, this is familiar to me, this is what I know, this is how I'm most comfortable with myself . ." bla bla. We all know what we do to ourselves that keeps the Dominos falling.
To see "things" change around us, to see Dominos build on each other rather than toppling, we've got to be willing to see ourselves for what we are or want to be. Nothing is impossible; it just takes the first baby step in motion. Putting a thought, or new awareness, into action takes courage, even perhaps beyond the courage it took to survive life to this point.
Trusting yourself that you CAN and WILL do everything in your power to stay the course of trust and love, has got to be one key to unlocking a door to a brighter future don't you think? It's simply making up your mind to listen to your Self. There is some invisible intelligence called "God" that is in all of us, there's got to be! "It" speaks to us if we're willing to listen. Yes, our gut never lies and our gut feelings become known to us when we listen.
Our physical mind has a lot the power. You yourself know the difference if you really care to notice a difference in what you pay attention to. One thought seems to come from your physical body that's lived through life so far, and the other seems to come from a part of us that knows better. See?
I prefer to say I'm following my heart, but that can be confusing if your physical heart is seeking a mate (which I believe is one of those animal instincts that keep any species going). We're different because we humans and can process thoughts. We can/do choose to ignore what we don't want to hear (as in that voice in our heads): Our free wills: Our human ability: Our choice: Our decision: Our bla bla.
It makes us human to choose to listen to our own self love, which speaks of good for what's best for US in terms of the evolution of everything. Our human brains can't possibly know all this consciously. I certainly don't mean to make this sound too confusing.
Like it or not, it really comes down to what we're willing to do to have things change. Looking outside yourself for something that'll "do it" (enable you to "have" differently) is ALWAYS going to take your life off course eventually.
The answers are always inside us, the changes can only come from our SELF (the invisible intelligence flowing through everything). We take the action and we see the results, and we can choose to see how this affects life around us. This writing is really just more of the same; just worded with my own awareness.
I've been amazed how I find myself (increasing swiftly over the last 3 years) saying cliches we've all heard (which I'm blank now for any) as if I'm the originator of the thinking. But I'm certainly not. It's been a journey to discover the wisdom within. It's an even more challenging path to walk with confidence.
Confidence is the gift we find when we love ourselves enough to listen to that little voice inside. Creating an impenetrable confidence doesn't happen "over-night". I'm sure it's different for everyone. All I know is mine is stronger and still getting stronger, so if it can happen for me I believe it can happen for anyone willing to trust and love the inherent good within every baby born on earth. Finding it begins the moment you decide to see "you can".
Have faith in the process that's all I can say.
I know I've spewed and spewed my own process in life, and if someone felt it "hit their own heart" my time has not been for "not" ~ which seems like an odd expression, and I wonder if I've written it right. Oh well.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Thursday, October 18, 2012
More awareness ~
I must be one of the biggest fools on earth right now. Why? Because I pushed and pushed, and I'll be fortunate if I didn't push myself right out of my children's lives. Iyanla would say we've had a "family breakdown".
I was feeling I had the power to change the thinking of my children that do not embrace the idea of anything spiritual. I wanted them to. I thought it was the right thing for them. I thought it would help my grandbabies' future lives if they believe. I wanted them to admit-to-themselves there does appear to be some invisible intelligence to "it all".
But I had to admit my, what ego(?) had me believing I had some ability or power to change their thinking. How humbling.
I failed to use the idea that evolution must happen because of some physically-invisible intelligence (I laughed when I wrote that conundrum). So maybe that will lead to ponder how thoughts are like electricity. And could that lead to the belief that thoughts create future realities ~ yes? Then we ponder the process. See our hearts and minds working in conjunction?
My not even thought-out plan of how to lovingly start asking questions backfired like a cannon. My daughter (I'm ashamed of myself to say) came to tears because I couldn't let her (them) just be. "It's their lives ~ their way ~
She kindly asked me to leave. Because I acted without listening to what I know to be true, "Back the f' up (see me yelling at myself?) and FEEL/internalize the wisdom of "It's HER life" (I was SO anxious about my grandbabies' futures) ~
I'm now asking myself why I didn't listen to myself. Get it? My invisible self. Why? Even to have said, "I was anxious" is the antithesis of what I "preach" ~
My words over the last 24 years, have evolved and changed and I'm learning to tone down my personality (created by age 3 they say). I try as hard as I can. And I literally get pissed at myself. I'm changing as I write this. I'm internalizing my own self. I'm owning myself. I'm the one responsible for my spirit "self".
I never had to take total responsibility for my total self before the age of 48 and several marriages after. Oh what a painful and traumatic time; it should have been a joy to learn to do this, but I was emotionally wounded. I shoulda been ready to "do it" after K-12 school. But I was too afraid and followed my older sister to more school (because "that's the only way to get ahead" or what's in this world FOR ME thinking ~ and I hated every moment of school except the partying ~ so I just kept my head just above water to get through school.
I am so much more. I know today I've risked loosing her trust completely. It's not worth it to me and I've asked them (in writing early this morning) to trust me I'll NEVER bring anything spiritual up again. And to trust I'll never say anything to their children; they're "theirs" and they're doing a great job with great kids.
I have a belief, now cemented within me, that it's some perfect blend of our freewill AND the physically-invisible intelligence of the mechanics of all living things on this earth that create our realities. I believe our characters are created as a blend of our genes. I believe that character evolves from what we're exposed to. I believe that's where the ability to change comes from the tendencies we're born with (understood by the study of Jyotish, Astrology...). Therefore, I feel pretty confident that we're born with our character.
My cousin's latest blog post (http://checkingmymotive.blogspot.com) got me thinking about all of this, I believe the past and present are the culmination of innate character (which absolutely includes our individual tendencies for making choices) and the emotions created in our upbringing (which I believe blends with our bodies physical health tendencies). I believe by far the majority of our actions stem from our beliefs about ourselves. This is why I place SO much weight on unconditional love for ourselves and the awareness that we each have the invisible intelligence that aligns with love, harmony, giving, truth, sharing, peace and forgiveness.
And "talking" with my cousin JJ, I've thought of the necessary joy for a person to be able to find their "independent" self by at least living alone until they they can do life on their own terms and be okay. Yes, and there's that 20% who are ready after K-12. Always better late than never ~ yea?
Well anyway I'm still learning, refining, learning, refining and living the life I've created as an adult.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
I was feeling I had the power to change the thinking of my children that do not embrace the idea of anything spiritual. I wanted them to. I thought it was the right thing for them. I thought it would help my grandbabies' future lives if they believe. I wanted them to admit-to-themselves there does appear to be some invisible intelligence to "it all".
But I had to admit my, what ego(?) had me believing I had some ability or power to change their thinking. How humbling.
I failed to use the idea that evolution must happen because of some physically-invisible intelligence (I laughed when I wrote that conundrum). So maybe that will lead to ponder how thoughts are like electricity. And could that lead to the belief that thoughts create future realities ~ yes? Then we ponder the process. See our hearts and minds working in conjunction?
My not even thought-out plan of how to lovingly start asking questions backfired like a cannon. My daughter (I'm ashamed of myself to say) came to tears because I couldn't let her (them) just be. "It's their lives ~ their way ~
She kindly asked me to leave. Because I acted without listening to what I know to be true, "Back the f' up (see me yelling at myself?) and FEEL/internalize the wisdom of "It's HER life" (I was SO anxious about my grandbabies' futures) ~
I'm now asking myself why I didn't listen to myself. Get it? My invisible self. Why? Even to have said, "I was anxious" is the antithesis of what I "preach" ~
My words over the last 24 years, have evolved and changed and I'm learning to tone down my personality (created by age 3 they say). I try as hard as I can. And I literally get pissed at myself. I'm changing as I write this. I'm internalizing my own self. I'm owning myself. I'm the one responsible for my spirit "self".
I never had to take total responsibility for my total self before the age of 48 and several marriages after. Oh what a painful and traumatic time; it should have been a joy to learn to do this, but I was emotionally wounded. I shoulda been ready to "do it" after K-12 school. But I was too afraid and followed my older sister to more school (because "that's the only way to get ahead" or what's in this world FOR ME thinking ~ and I hated every moment of school except the partying ~ so I just kept my head just above water to get through school.
I am so much more. I know today I've risked loosing her trust completely. It's not worth it to me and I've asked them (in writing early this morning) to trust me I'll NEVER bring anything spiritual up again. And to trust I'll never say anything to their children; they're "theirs" and they're doing a great job with great kids.
I have a belief, now cemented within me, that it's some perfect blend of our freewill AND the physically-invisible intelligence of the mechanics of all living things on this earth that create our realities. I believe our characters are created as a blend of our genes. I believe that character evolves from what we're exposed to. I believe that's where the ability to change comes from the tendencies we're born with (understood by the study of Jyotish, Astrology...). Therefore, I feel pretty confident that we're born with our character.
My cousin's latest blog post (http://checkingmymotive.blogspot.com) got me thinking about all of this, I believe the past and present are the culmination of innate character (which absolutely includes our individual tendencies for making choices) and the emotions created in our upbringing (which I believe blends with our bodies physical health tendencies). I believe by far the majority of our actions stem from our beliefs about ourselves. This is why I place SO much weight on unconditional love for ourselves and the awareness that we each have the invisible intelligence that aligns with love, harmony, giving, truth, sharing, peace and forgiveness.
And "talking" with my cousin JJ, I've thought of the necessary joy for a person to be able to find their "independent" self by at least living alone until they they can do life on their own terms and be okay. Yes, and there's that 20% who are ready after K-12. Always better late than never ~ yea?
Well anyway I'm still learning, refining, learning, refining and living the life I've created as an adult.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
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