I started to read the last post I last wrote; I smiled, and just moved ahead.
My hearts deepest desire on my mission of love has just begun to manifest, as is happening ahead of schedule in nature this spring. But that's the pace of my life's journey too ~ in awareness.
Yes, I've even consciously smiled at my own patience~awareness, in the glow of silence and love. I've accepted I AM hard on myself if I ain't got it perfect yet. Damn, what a stress release.
My tiny, growing immediate family has crossed the threshold of acceptance. I believe we will lovingly face what makes us each tick.
And I'm prepared to be patient until we know our hearts beat as one.
It will "be" quickly ~ relative to time and space.
A hui ho from LaLa ~ Monday 3/26/2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Friday, December 30, 2011
2011 is nearly over now!
Where have I been? Hiding from myself, playing, doing a little volunteering, living, realizing . . .
So much has evolved it's difficult to back track at this time. First off: I decided to be more truthful with myself about writing daily. On one hand, I think I can, I will, I have to if I'm committed. Well guess what, my lifestyle and who I really am doesn't turn on the computer daily, so with the pressure off me I may do a more serious job here.
I'm in the process of walking more and more of my talk. My awareness of my own personal "feeling of joy" or happiness is increasing because I've made myself aware of the feeling. I'm practicing feeling it and being conscious of it happening more and more as the days pass.
My mom and I talked, the other day, about our tendencies to rush, have expectations, or not think things through methodically and how it effects our lives. We're going to talk on the phone with the demeanor we're each striving for. I'm excited about this evolution.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
So much has evolved it's difficult to back track at this time. First off: I decided to be more truthful with myself about writing daily. On one hand, I think I can, I will, I have to if I'm committed. Well guess what, my lifestyle and who I really am doesn't turn on the computer daily, so with the pressure off me I may do a more serious job here.
I'm in the process of walking more and more of my talk. My awareness of my own personal "feeling of joy" or happiness is increasing because I've made myself aware of the feeling. I'm practicing feeling it and being conscious of it happening more and more as the days pass.
My mom and I talked, the other day, about our tendencies to rush, have expectations, or not think things through methodically and how it effects our lives. We're going to talk on the phone with the demeanor we're each striving for. I'm excited about this evolution.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Day 16 ~ 11/3/11
Happy Birthday to my brother today.
Perhaps "my story" doesn't really matter after coming full circle in life and now seeing where I am, who I am, who I'm becoming, who I'm loving more and more as I feel the warmth of the love I'm learning to receive with grace.
For the record I'd like to tell you how a tiny, unbelievable "miracle" happened on 11/1/11, which is an auspicious date anyway. I'd just gotten out of the doctor's office and took a regrouping time on the bus bench along the busiest street approaching Munjoy Hill. My mate and I left and went about 4 city blocks in a zig-zag towards my place. I suddenly becamse very flustered about the sudden awareness that I didn't have my purse. I babbled and took off at my best hurried pace.
** 23 yrs ago, after accident, I couldn't even hurry to answer a ringing phone for nearly a couple yrs, so I'm doin' great considering I used to be a moderate runner.
Anyway, to my utter shock my bag is sitting right there untouched!!! Believe me; that is a prime and constantly used seat for a variety of people not to mention the constant stream of traffic at the traffic light.
You can imagine I was blown away and actually "throwing kisses" of thanks!
Fare well (verb, adjective), a hui ho, LL
Perhaps "my story" doesn't really matter after coming full circle in life and now seeing where I am, who I am, who I'm becoming, who I'm loving more and more as I feel the warmth of the love I'm learning to receive with grace.
For the record I'd like to tell you how a tiny, unbelievable "miracle" happened on 11/1/11, which is an auspicious date anyway. I'd just gotten out of the doctor's office and took a regrouping time on the bus bench along the busiest street approaching Munjoy Hill. My mate and I left and went about 4 city blocks in a zig-zag towards my place. I suddenly becamse very flustered about the sudden awareness that I didn't have my purse. I babbled and took off at my best hurried pace.
** 23 yrs ago, after accident, I couldn't even hurry to answer a ringing phone for nearly a couple yrs, so I'm doin' great considering I used to be a moderate runner.
Anyway, to my utter shock my bag is sitting right there untouched!!! Believe me; that is a prime and constantly used seat for a variety of people not to mention the constant stream of traffic at the traffic light.
You can imagine I was blown away and actually "throwing kisses" of thanks!
Fare well (verb, adjective), a hui ho, LL
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Day 9 ~ 10/27/11
Twice this morning I've started to write my story I started 6 years ago as a book I planned to name "Raven Ravine". Twice I deleted everything knowing it's going to be a huge challenge to put into words, while being succinct enough to do it in a blog.
I'm not going to begin this morning; I've got to give thought to how I'm going to do this. All of it has lead me to where I am, and how the true nature of me is here to stay.
A note before I write anything is that on 12 January, 1989 I sustained a severe traumatic brain injury after my car hit black ice, spun and landed upside down in the woods a few miles from home. I was unresponsive and the 4 windows and doors were smashed and wouldn't open. My life was literally saved by my 3 and 5 year old children who climbed out the hole in the back window and went for help.
Two months later I was released from the hospital, taken to MA to live with my mother and step-father where I had another 5 months of out-patient therapy.
I'll stop today and just hope I can be clever enough to pull this off.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
I'm not going to begin this morning; I've got to give thought to how I'm going to do this. All of it has lead me to where I am, and how the true nature of me is here to stay.
A note before I write anything is that on 12 January, 1989 I sustained a severe traumatic brain injury after my car hit black ice, spun and landed upside down in the woods a few miles from home. I was unresponsive and the 4 windows and doors were smashed and wouldn't open. My life was literally saved by my 3 and 5 year old children who climbed out the hole in the back window and went for help.
Two months later I was released from the hospital, taken to MA to live with my mother and step-father where I had another 5 months of out-patient therapy.
I'll stop today and just hope I can be clever enough to pull this off.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Day 8 ~ 10/26/11
With all the little projects to begin today, I know I've got to have the personal determination to continue to see my life move forward. I'm lacking the motivation this morning. But I keep remembering the vivid dream I had in the wee hours today. If nothing more it confirms, to me, in a positive feeling, to just keep facing my fears and my future days will be comforting. Sometimes we need that.
I rarely recall dreams and when I do I pay attention. I started to awaken to the necessary transformation in who I am back in the late spring of 2003. That's another 10, 20, 30 hour story for another time. But my life began making a complete about-face from what I'd always believed would be my future.
That turn had been a difficult, and often emotionally painful and lonely process. I learned to face who I am and the major errors in judgment I wouldn't let go of. After steadfastly chasing illusions in my heart for half a decade, I knew it would be in my best interest to let go and move on.
I'll save the rest of the story for another time. I've learned so much.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
I rarely recall dreams and when I do I pay attention. I started to awaken to the necessary transformation in who I am back in the late spring of 2003. That's another 10, 20, 30 hour story for another time. But my life began making a complete about-face from what I'd always believed would be my future.
That turn had been a difficult, and often emotionally painful and lonely process. I learned to face who I am and the major errors in judgment I wouldn't let go of. After steadfastly chasing illusions in my heart for half a decade, I knew it would be in my best interest to let go and move on.
I'll save the rest of the story for another time. I've learned so much.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Days 6 & 7 ~ 10/25/11
I almost made the worst error in judgment until I spoke with my younger sister in the Berkshires last night.
She helped me "flip-it-over" to see another perspective on a major decision I'd recently made. I'm having issues with receiving love and giving my love to my two grown children. Not even worth getting into as the bottom line is it happens in everyone's life, just with different details. Perhaps these chance connections with people are a part of the unfathomable mystery I often speak of. Is this a way to feel your deepest intentions, do what you can, and in the letting go of details you can't control or plan, things work out in mysterious ways (such as a timely phone call)?
All I do know is that in the present I will continue to listen to my heart (my deepest intentions) in my quiet times of silence, love, acceptance and patience.
I've still gotta deal with me being who I am and adjusting my attitudes and actions as things happen in my life. And I'm learning not to continually beat myself up for not being perfect as I do strive to become more each day.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
She helped me "flip-it-over" to see another perspective on a major decision I'd recently made. I'm having issues with receiving love and giving my love to my two grown children. Not even worth getting into as the bottom line is it happens in everyone's life, just with different details. Perhaps these chance connections with people are a part of the unfathomable mystery I often speak of. Is this a way to feel your deepest intentions, do what you can, and in the letting go of details you can't control or plan, things work out in mysterious ways (such as a timely phone call)?
All I do know is that in the present I will continue to listen to my heart (my deepest intentions) in my quiet times of silence, love, acceptance and patience.
I've still gotta deal with me being who I am and adjusting my attitudes and actions as things happen in my life. And I'm learning not to continually beat myself up for not being perfect as I do strive to become more each day.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Days Four and Five ~ 10/23/11
"Silence, love, acceptance, and patience". That is my new motivator to keep on track with what I truly desire. Silence or being with ourselves in our own quite time is one of the most important opportunities to help us help ourselves find balance or peace with the multitude of situations that arise throughout our existence. It;s better than a slap-in-the-face we'll get otherwise. (see a week earlier).
Yesterday on Great Diamond Island I found myself alone in a situation I helped create, as much as I don't want to admit it. I passed through several dimensions of denial, anger, loss of peace, and on to seeing myself. Pretty immediately, I chose to feel the peace I feel when I know, without a doubt, I'm following my heart: what I ultimately want with a release of knowing how it's going to work out, yet doing all I can, which is often simply an attitude change . I chose to enjoy my solitude, and I literally kept putting one foot in front of the other as I let instinct carry the direction I chose at crossroads, forks, or where to rest over after a couple hours covering the areas of the island.
Before 10-15 minutes more, it worked out and there was my mate. We're committed in getting through life, together, with continual evolution in the right direction. That's a mouthful, but after all my years of discontent, that's exactly who I met 5 seasons ago. Which works perfectly with where I am in personal awareness these days.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Yesterday on Great Diamond Island I found myself alone in a situation I helped create, as much as I don't want to admit it. I passed through several dimensions of denial, anger, loss of peace, and on to seeing myself. Pretty immediately, I chose to feel the peace I feel when I know, without a doubt, I'm following my heart: what I ultimately want with a release of knowing how it's going to work out, yet doing all I can, which is often simply an attitude change . I chose to enjoy my solitude, and I literally kept putting one foot in front of the other as I let instinct carry the direction I chose at crossroads, forks, or where to rest over after a couple hours covering the areas of the island.
Before 10-15 minutes more, it worked out and there was my mate. We're committed in getting through life, together, with continual evolution in the right direction. That's a mouthful, but after all my years of discontent, that's exactly who I met 5 seasons ago. Which works perfectly with where I am in personal awareness these days.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)