Happy Birthday to my brother today.
Perhaps "my story" doesn't really matter after coming full circle in life and now seeing where I am, who I am, who I'm becoming, who I'm loving more and more as I feel the warmth of the love I'm learning to receive with grace.
For the record I'd like to tell you how a tiny, unbelievable "miracle" happened on 11/1/11, which is an auspicious date anyway. I'd just gotten out of the doctor's office and took a regrouping time on the bus bench along the busiest street approaching Munjoy Hill. My mate and I left and went about 4 city blocks in a zig-zag towards my place. I suddenly becamse very flustered about the sudden awareness that I didn't have my purse. I babbled and took off at my best hurried pace.
** 23 yrs ago, after accident, I couldn't even hurry to answer a ringing phone for nearly a couple yrs, so I'm doin' great considering I used to be a moderate runner.
Anyway, to my utter shock my bag is sitting right there untouched!!! Believe me; that is a prime and constantly used seat for a variety of people not to mention the constant stream of traffic at the traffic light.
You can imagine I was blown away and actually "throwing kisses" of thanks!
Fare well (verb, adjective), a hui ho, LL
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Day 9 ~ 10/27/11
Twice this morning I've started to write my story I started 6 years ago as a book I planned to name "Raven Ravine". Twice I deleted everything knowing it's going to be a huge challenge to put into words, while being succinct enough to do it in a blog.
I'm not going to begin this morning; I've got to give thought to how I'm going to do this. All of it has lead me to where I am, and how the true nature of me is here to stay.
A note before I write anything is that on 12 January, 1989 I sustained a severe traumatic brain injury after my car hit black ice, spun and landed upside down in the woods a few miles from home. I was unresponsive and the 4 windows and doors were smashed and wouldn't open. My life was literally saved by my 3 and 5 year old children who climbed out the hole in the back window and went for help.
Two months later I was released from the hospital, taken to MA to live with my mother and step-father where I had another 5 months of out-patient therapy.
I'll stop today and just hope I can be clever enough to pull this off.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
I'm not going to begin this morning; I've got to give thought to how I'm going to do this. All of it has lead me to where I am, and how the true nature of me is here to stay.
A note before I write anything is that on 12 January, 1989 I sustained a severe traumatic brain injury after my car hit black ice, spun and landed upside down in the woods a few miles from home. I was unresponsive and the 4 windows and doors were smashed and wouldn't open. My life was literally saved by my 3 and 5 year old children who climbed out the hole in the back window and went for help.
Two months later I was released from the hospital, taken to MA to live with my mother and step-father where I had another 5 months of out-patient therapy.
I'll stop today and just hope I can be clever enough to pull this off.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Day 8 ~ 10/26/11
With all the little projects to begin today, I know I've got to have the personal determination to continue to see my life move forward. I'm lacking the motivation this morning. But I keep remembering the vivid dream I had in the wee hours today. If nothing more it confirms, to me, in a positive feeling, to just keep facing my fears and my future days will be comforting. Sometimes we need that.
I rarely recall dreams and when I do I pay attention. I started to awaken to the necessary transformation in who I am back in the late spring of 2003. That's another 10, 20, 30 hour story for another time. But my life began making a complete about-face from what I'd always believed would be my future.
That turn had been a difficult, and often emotionally painful and lonely process. I learned to face who I am and the major errors in judgment I wouldn't let go of. After steadfastly chasing illusions in my heart for half a decade, I knew it would be in my best interest to let go and move on.
I'll save the rest of the story for another time. I've learned so much.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
I rarely recall dreams and when I do I pay attention. I started to awaken to the necessary transformation in who I am back in the late spring of 2003. That's another 10, 20, 30 hour story for another time. But my life began making a complete about-face from what I'd always believed would be my future.
That turn had been a difficult, and often emotionally painful and lonely process. I learned to face who I am and the major errors in judgment I wouldn't let go of. After steadfastly chasing illusions in my heart for half a decade, I knew it would be in my best interest to let go and move on.
I'll save the rest of the story for another time. I've learned so much.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Days 6 & 7 ~ 10/25/11
I almost made the worst error in judgment until I spoke with my younger sister in the Berkshires last night.
She helped me "flip-it-over" to see another perspective on a major decision I'd recently made. I'm having issues with receiving love and giving my love to my two grown children. Not even worth getting into as the bottom line is it happens in everyone's life, just with different details. Perhaps these chance connections with people are a part of the unfathomable mystery I often speak of. Is this a way to feel your deepest intentions, do what you can, and in the letting go of details you can't control or plan, things work out in mysterious ways (such as a timely phone call)?
All I do know is that in the present I will continue to listen to my heart (my deepest intentions) in my quiet times of silence, love, acceptance and patience.
I've still gotta deal with me being who I am and adjusting my attitudes and actions as things happen in my life. And I'm learning not to continually beat myself up for not being perfect as I do strive to become more each day.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
She helped me "flip-it-over" to see another perspective on a major decision I'd recently made. I'm having issues with receiving love and giving my love to my two grown children. Not even worth getting into as the bottom line is it happens in everyone's life, just with different details. Perhaps these chance connections with people are a part of the unfathomable mystery I often speak of. Is this a way to feel your deepest intentions, do what you can, and in the letting go of details you can't control or plan, things work out in mysterious ways (such as a timely phone call)?
All I do know is that in the present I will continue to listen to my heart (my deepest intentions) in my quiet times of silence, love, acceptance and patience.
I've still gotta deal with me being who I am and adjusting my attitudes and actions as things happen in my life. And I'm learning not to continually beat myself up for not being perfect as I do strive to become more each day.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Days Four and Five ~ 10/23/11
"Silence, love, acceptance, and patience". That is my new motivator to keep on track with what I truly desire. Silence or being with ourselves in our own quite time is one of the most important opportunities to help us help ourselves find balance or peace with the multitude of situations that arise throughout our existence. It;s better than a slap-in-the-face we'll get otherwise. (see a week earlier).
Yesterday on Great Diamond Island I found myself alone in a situation I helped create, as much as I don't want to admit it. I passed through several dimensions of denial, anger, loss of peace, and on to seeing myself. Pretty immediately, I chose to feel the peace I feel when I know, without a doubt, I'm following my heart: what I ultimately want with a release of knowing how it's going to work out, yet doing all I can, which is often simply an attitude change . I chose to enjoy my solitude, and I literally kept putting one foot in front of the other as I let instinct carry the direction I chose at crossroads, forks, or where to rest over after a couple hours covering the areas of the island.
Before 10-15 minutes more, it worked out and there was my mate. We're committed in getting through life, together, with continual evolution in the right direction. That's a mouthful, but after all my years of discontent, that's exactly who I met 5 seasons ago. Which works perfectly with where I am in personal awareness these days.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Yesterday on Great Diamond Island I found myself alone in a situation I helped create, as much as I don't want to admit it. I passed through several dimensions of denial, anger, loss of peace, and on to seeing myself. Pretty immediately, I chose to feel the peace I feel when I know, without a doubt, I'm following my heart: what I ultimately want with a release of knowing how it's going to work out, yet doing all I can, which is often simply an attitude change . I chose to enjoy my solitude, and I literally kept putting one foot in front of the other as I let instinct carry the direction I chose at crossroads, forks, or where to rest over after a couple hours covering the areas of the island.
Before 10-15 minutes more, it worked out and there was my mate. We're committed in getting through life, together, with continual evolution in the right direction. That's a mouthful, but after all my years of discontent, that's exactly who I met 5 seasons ago. Which works perfectly with where I am in personal awareness these days.
Fare well and a hui ho, LL
Friday, October 21, 2011
Day three ~
I ask myself if I can attract with qualities I wish to possess in my growth to love and be loved. Everyday that's my desire, and I also see/feel how I hold it from me, and yet I can feel the victim I know doesn't exist!! If I follow my heart, my faith will grow, and the love I so want is right before me ready to receive me . .
I've taken my greatest leap-of-faith in myself not to "judge a book by its cover",keep following my silent heart as I create my reality I will face.
Tomorrow my mate and I return to Great Diamond Island to explore another area (hopefully isolated, public woods). The ferry ride over is enjoyable first thing in the morning. We love it.
My timer is literally ringing! A hui ho, LL
I've taken my greatest leap-of-faith in myself not to "judge a book by its cover",keep following my silent heart as I create my reality I will face.
Tomorrow my mate and I return to Great Diamond Island to explore another area (hopefully isolated, public woods). The ferry ride over is enjoyable first thing in the morning. We love it.
My timer is literally ringing! A hui ho, LL
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Day two for real ~
This morning I started another new book to open my awareness further with the words of "my current teacher", whose name follows all those with ever-increasing in-depth wisdom.
So ever clever as I am; I will create "this", which is a step-in-the-right direction for my heart, my nature, and I want my Mom to continue to know how truly fulfilled I am.
The steps to start this project of love elude me, and that unnerves me to the point of doing nothing. Okay, I'm gonna put the desire to create this into a feeling within my heart, take every necessary step I can to find what I need to create this project, then to allow myself to feel the peace I'll feel when I delegate the rest to great mystery in my life.
Sounds simple enough because I've heard it hundred's of times before. But never have I been stopped in my tracks with the literal "vision" I saw in my mind, or the inspiration I felt to do all I can do, face it, and release the pressure with a feeling of faith, I'm determined to say, in the fact that the great mystery can move and arrange in unfathomable ways.
Well, I leave "you" again to continue on a path of discovery in relation to what is happening in my life. Like my little, red car is ready for me to walk up and over the east end hill of Portland, Maine to bring home again.
Fare well . . LL
So ever clever as I am; I will create "this", which is a step-in-the-right direction for my heart, my nature, and I want my Mom to continue to know how truly fulfilled I am.
The steps to start this project of love elude me, and that unnerves me to the point of doing nothing. Okay, I'm gonna put the desire to create this into a feeling within my heart, take every necessary step I can to find what I need to create this project, then to allow myself to feel the peace I'll feel when I delegate the rest to great mystery in my life.
Sounds simple enough because I've heard it hundred's of times before. But never have I been stopped in my tracks with the literal "vision" I saw in my mind, or the inspiration I felt to do all I can do, face it, and release the pressure with a feeling of faith, I'm determined to say, in the fact that the great mystery can move and arrange in unfathomable ways.
Well, I leave "you" again to continue on a path of discovery in relation to what is happening in my life. Like my little, red car is ready for me to walk up and over the east end hill of Portland, Maine to bring home again.
Fare well . . LL
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